Big hug Jokes - page 2

I’ve learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in. I’ve learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just assholes. I’ve learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it. I’ve learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you’d better have a big dick or huge tits. I’ve…

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Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. You remember how mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can’t see very well anymore. So I sent her a…

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To share to whom it may concern: I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an eight-year-old again. I want to go to McDonald’s and think that its a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a…

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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked, with a tremor in his voice, “Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?” The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t, Dear,” she said. I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.” A long silence was broken at last by his shaky, little voice: “The big sissy.”

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A guy goes to a costume shop and says “I’m going to a costume party as Adam and I need a fig leaf.” The girl brings out a fig leaf. He says, “Not big enough.” She brings out a bigger one. He says, “Still not big enough.” She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, “Still not big enough.” She says, “Listen, Ace, why don’t you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?”

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Can you imagine the first cow ever made? It would look at itself and say ‘omigod, look at me! I’m huge! I’ve got big, bulging muscles, I’ve got sharp things jabbing out the top of my head. I could kill any other animal in the kingdom. I’m gonna run to the top of this hill and let out a roar that’s gonna make every other animal in the kingdom wet themselves! Mooooooooooo’.

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