Bible Jokes

The Bible Salesman

Responding to an ad in the paper for Bible salesmen, a man arrived for his interview. “I w-w-want to s-s-sell B-B-Bibles,” he said. His interviewer was hesitant, but because the man’s sales experience was so good, he hired him. To everyone’s astonishment, within a few months, the fellow’s sales were the best in the company. The president called a meeting to congratulate him and to inspire the other salemen. “Son, tell us your secret for selling so many Bibles,” he…

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The little boy and the big & old family Bible

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he turned them. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between the pages. “Momma, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy’s voice,…

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Selling Bibles

One day, Bob, who is a salesman, walked into his boss’s office. Bob said he had this friend who was a really good salesman, but he just got laid off. Bob asked if there was any chance that his boss could give him a job. His boss smiled, but said that he doesn’t like to hire people unless he meets them first. Bob then replied, “Well can’t you just give him a chance. You know, one of those trial periods.”…

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Little Johnny’s Bible Lesson

At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill. “Johnny what’s the matter?” she asked. Little Johnny responded, “I have a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”

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Kid’s Bible Stories

The following statements about the bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (ie bad spelling has been left in.) In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.…

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Escaped Ape

One day an ape escaped from the Bronx Zoo. They searched for him everywhere, in every borough. They announced his disappearance on the radio and television, as well as in the newspapers. But no one reported having seen the ape. At last, he was discovered in the New York Public Library. Officials of the zoo, as well as the animal handlers, were summoned to the library. They found the ape sitting at an desk in the reading room with two…

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Four Weeks to Live

A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, “We will all die some day, and none of us really knows when, but if we did, we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event.” Everybody nodded their heads in agreement with this comment. Then the leader said to the group, “What would you do if you knew you had only four weeks of life…

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Misinterpretation

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.” His son asked, “What happened to the flea?”

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Comparative Analysis of World Religious (and other) Philosop

Taoism: Shit Happens Confucianism: Confucius say, “Shit Happens” Buddhism: If Shit Happens, it isn’t really Shit Zen (Rinzai): What is the sound of Shit Happening? Zen (Soto): Shit just Happens Hinduism: This Shit Happened before Sikhism: Leave our Shit alone Jainism: Don’t accidentally swallow flies and Shit Islam: If Shit Happens, it is the will of Allah Nation of Islam: Don’t take no Shit! Hare Krishna: Shit Happens, Shit Happens, Rama Rama *ding ding* Agnosticism: Does Shit Happen? Atheism: No…

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Read JokeComparative Analysis of World Religious (and other) Philosop