Being a man Jokes

Dua Lipa ‘Categorically’ Denies Agent Fired for Being Anti-Kneecap (Yes, That’s the Band’s Name)

Dua Lipa ‘Categorically’ Denies Agent Fired for Being Anti-Kneecap (Yes, That’s the Band’s Name). The pop star and her talent agency are scrambling to clarify that reports of her sacking agent, a man named David Levy, are ‘categorically false.’ Apparently, the rumor mill had her giving him the boot because he allegedly signed a letter urging Glastonbury to drop a pro-Palestine Irish rap group called Kneecap from its lineup. ? So, to be clear, no one’s getting kneecapped over Kneecap……

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Read JokeDua Lipa ‘Categorically’ Denies Agent Fired for Being Anti-Kneecap (Yes, That’s the Band’s Name)

Guano-Gate: Rome Woman Banned as Neighbors Drown in ‘Hitchcockian Pigeon Hell’

? Breaking News from the Eternal City! A Rome woman has been officially banned from feeding her feathered friends after neighbours declared their apartment block a literal ‘Hitchcockian pigeon hell.’ Talk about taking ‘going to the birds’ a bit too far! ? Rome’s mayor, no doubt accustomed to dealing with ancient ruins and traffic, has now had to step in to stop the avian apocalypse. Furious residents claimed they were quite literally drowning in feathers and guano (that’s fancy bird…

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Read JokeGuano-Gate: Rome Woman Banned as Neighbors Drown in ‘Hitchcockian Pigeon Hell’

Santa Claus is a WOMAN!

I think Santa Claus is a woman…. I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he’s a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority of men don’t even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It’s as if they are all frozen in some kind of ebenezerian Time…

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50 Reasons to be a Woman

1.Free drinks. 2.Free dinners. 3.Free movies (you get the point). 4.You can hug your friend without wondering if she thinks you’re gay. 5.You can hug your friend without wondering if YOU’RE gay. 6.You know ‘The Truth’ about whether size matters. 7.Speeding ticket? What’s that? 8.New lipstick gives you a whole new lease on life. 9.You never had to walk down the hall with your binder strategically positioned in high school. 10.If you have sex with someone and don’t call them…

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Perfect Woman … Almost

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. With that as his mission, he began searching for the perfect woman. After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter, he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away. So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission…

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TECHNIQUES ON BEING AN EFFECTIVE EMPLOYEE

1. Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands. People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they?re heading for the cafeteria. People with the newspaper in their hands look like they?re heading for the bathroom. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.…

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Read JokeTECHNIQUES ON BEING AN EFFECTIVE EMPLOYEE

The FIRST suspicious woman

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. “You’re running around with other women,” she charged. “You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on earth.” The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. “What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded. “Counting your ribs,” said Eve.

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TO: ALL EMPLOYEES– FROM:Human Resources

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES FROM: Human Resources It has been brought to Management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of preferred new phrases…

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Cat Commandments

Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem. Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem. Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll. Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor as though thou are transparent. Thou shalt not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator. Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy…

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Thoughts on Being Bald

If a man is bald in front, he’s a thinker. If he’s bald in back, he’s a lover. If he’s bald in front and back, he THINKS he’s a lover. “Papa, are you growing taller all the time?” “No, my child. Why do you ask?” “‘Cause the top of your head is poking up through your hair.” He’s not baldheaded…he just has flesh-colored hair. It’s not that he’s baldheaded…he just has a tall face. He has wavy hair…it’s waving goodbye.

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Read JokeThoughts on Being Bald