Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, “You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time.” The Irishman replies, “Well, you see, I have two brothers. One…
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Twenty-four hours in a day, twenty-four beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not! Last words spoken at the Last Supper: “Everyone who wants to be in the picture, get on this side of the table.” Why are there so many Smiths and Johnsons in the phone book? They all have phones. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but you mean your mother. Shouldn’t there be a shorter word for “monosyllabic?” Did you know that half of…
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After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Senor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King Of Beers’, a Budweiser.” The bartender gives him one. The guy…
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Signs That You are Too Drunk You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream. Career won’t progress beyong Senator from Massachusetts. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. Sincerely believe alchohol is the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case- coincidence?…
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Two guys are sitting at a bar drinking beers, and eating peanuts. One guy turns to the other and says, “You want to play bar football?” The other guy replies, “Sure I’m up for it, but how do you play?” “Well what you do is this. First you eat a handful of peanuts and chug down a beer to score a touchdown, and then you have to pull down your pants bend over and fart for the extra point. Each…
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Colorful descriptions for the intellectually challenged: A few fries short of a happy meal. The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead. Couldn’t pour water out of a boot with the instructions on the heel. Fell out of the stupid tree and hit all of the branches on the way down. A few clowns short of a circus. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few peas short of a pod. Doesn’t have all his corn flakes in…
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This is a bit of a tongue twister… A bear walks into a bar in Boise Idaho. “Bartender, give me a beer!” To which the bartender replies, “I don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Boise Idaho”. The bear repeats himself, “Bartender, give me a beer!!!” “I’m sorry,” repeats the bartender, “but I don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Boise Idaho”. The bear is becoming upset by this time. “Look,” he says “if you don’t serve me…
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RESTROOM SIGNS Friends don’t let friends take home ugly men —Women’s restroom, Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE Remember, it’s not, “How high are you?” it’s “Hi, how are you?” —Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit. —Men’s Room, Linda’s Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, North Carolina To do is to be – Descartes To be is to do – Voltaire Do be…
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1. If the enemy is in range, so are you. 2. Incoming fire has the right of way. 3. Don’t look conspicuous, it draws fire. ( For this reason aircraft carriers have been called “Bomb Magnets.”) 4. There is always a way. 5. The easy way is always mined. 6. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo. (Trivia devotees will recall the sudden disappearance of rank and distinctive caps on the uniforms worn by Soviet officers in…
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This guy is sitting at the end of a bar and sees this really beautiful lady at the other end of the bar. He tells the bartender, “Hey send her a drink.” The bartender says, “Why would you want to do that she’s a lesbian?” The man says, “Man, it’s my money, don’t question me!!” So the bartender sends her a drink. A little bit later the man says, “Hey bartender send her another drink.” The bartender says, “Man, I…
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