Armed man Jokes

A Navy Admiral, a Marine General and an Army General were having some drinks at the officer’s club in a major military base. After a few rounds of iced tea, the Navy Admiral boasted, “You know, the Navy has the bravest fighting men ever to serve in the Armed Forces. I can prove it to you all.” Before the others could protest, the Admiral proceeded to phone his headquarter and asked for the best Navy Seal in his command to…

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A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. “How are you, Grandpa?” he asks. “Feeling fine,” says the old man. “What’s the food like?” “Terrific, wonderful menus.” “And the nursing?” “Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take good care of me.” “What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?” “No problem at all, nine hours solid every night. At 10 o’clock, they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet . . .…

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Many years ago, a girlfriend of mine attempted to introduce “culture” into my dismal life, by taking me to our nation’s finest museums, art galleries and concert halls. I was genuinely impressed with her love of the arts, and made a serious attempt to learn, but I guess I forgot to mention to her that “creating humor” is ALSO an “art.” On one journey to a nice art gallery, we marveled at a life-sized replica of the statue of the…

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Constipated People Don’t Give A Crap. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant. If At First You Don’t Succeed… Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling. You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren’t Happening To Me Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away? The Face Is Familiar But I Can’t Quite Remember My Name Illiterate? Write For Help I Refuse To…

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SOUTHERN SAYINGS….. 1. “Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.” 2. “It’s been hotter’n a goat’s butt in a pepper patch.” 3. “He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.” 4. “Have a cup of coffee, it’s already been ‘saucered and blowed.’” 5. “She’s so stuck up, she’d drown in a rainstorm.” 6. “It’s so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.” 7. “My cow died last night so I don’t…

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A guy walks into a bar and sits next to another guy. The bartender asks him if he wants their extra-special drink. The man replies, “What’s so special about it?” The bartender says, “It can make you fly.” “No way! There’s no chance in hell anyone could ever fly,” he stubbornly replies. “I’ll show you. Here, this man next to you will take a drink of this, and will fly off a cliff and come back up unharmed.” “OK, show…

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