Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Laugh for Fun - Funny, Blonde, Dirty, Women, Yo Mama Jokes
Every morning the local farmer noticed someone had been in his watermelon patch during the night. Unable to stay up and catch them and unwilling to tolerate the constant loss, he put up a sign that said: WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH A STRONG POISON The next morning he went out to inspect his watermelon patch and found that his sign had been altered. It now said: WARNING! TWO OF THESE WATERMELONS HAVE BEEN INJECTED WITH…
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Medical Student I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation she happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat…
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“I’ll get a world record for this.” “It’s fireproof.” “He’s probably just hibernating.” “What does this button do?” “You’re under citizen’s arrest!” “Bull! You’re not a REAL cannibal.” “It’s probably just a rash.” “Are you SURE the power is OFF?” “Yeah, I made the deciding vote on the jury, so what of it?” “The odds of that happening have to be a million to one!” “Pull the pin and count to WHAT?” “WHICH wire was I supposed to cut?” “I…
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George was sitting at his desk and stressing over the upcoming deadlines when his boss came up to him. Their conversation went as follows: Boss: “George, when is the last time you took a vacation?” George: “Sir, I don’t have time for a vacation. There is way too much work to be done.” Boss: “George, I believe you would be more productive if you took some time to get away from your work and relax for a little bit.” George:…
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Fred’s donkey had been acting weird for a few days, so he decided to take his donkey to the vet. After a few tests the vet said the donkey had eaten something poisonous. The vet suggested that the donkey would need to have a depository put into his rectum. Fred, not wanting to show his stupidity, said ok. Not having any idea on what a rectum was, he thought that once he saw this depository, he could figure it out.…
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One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to report that his American wife was planning to kill him. The police officer on duty was intrigued by this and he asked, “How sure are ya that she is gonna kill ya? Did she threaten to kill ya?” “No,” replied the nervous immigrant. “Did ya hear her tell someone else that she’s gonna kill ya?” “No.” “Did someone tell ya that your wife is gonna kill…
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1.At dinner, guard your plate with fork and steak knife, so as to give the impression that you’ll stab anyone, including the waiter, who reaches for it. 2.Collect the salt shakers from all of the tables in the restaurant, and balance them in a tower on your table. 3.Wipe your nose on your date’s sleeve. Twice. 4.Make funny faces at other patrons, then sneer at their reactions. 5.Repeat every third third word you say say. 6.Give your claim to fame…
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Believe Them…Or Not AUGUSTA, ME – Four people were injured in a string of bizarre accidents. Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick’s first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work and,…
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There’s this little guy sitting inside a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man crying.” “No, it’s not that. Today is the worst…
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OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out names and addresses of people you don’t know. WHEN reading a book, try tearing out the pages as you read them. This saves the expense of buying a bookmark, and the pages can later be used for shopping lists. A TEASPOON placed in a glass on the back seat of your car makes a handy audible gauge for road bump severity. BUS DRIVERS: Pretend you’re an airline pilot, by…
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