American plane Jokes

Airplane ride

A man walks onto an airplane and takes his seat. He looks up and notices the most beautiful women he has ever seen boarding the plane. He is so nervous, and he soon realizes that she is walking down the aisle toward him. When she takes the seat next to him, he is anxious to begin a conversation with her. He asks, “Where are you flying to today?” She responds, “To the annual nymphomaniac convention in Chicago.” He is CRAZED…

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World War 3 and Mexico

Two lone soldiers are guarding the trenchline from enemy planes in World War Three. After many minutes of waiting, one plane is seen flying above. “What kind of plane is that, Sergeant?” asked the private. “That’s a German plane. Shoot it down!” and both of them fired at it until it went down. A few minutes later, another plane was seen flying by. The private asked what kind of plane that was. “That’s an American plane. Shoot it down!” and…

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Clinton mounts operation in Serbia

Editor-looks like this one hasn’t reached you yet ___________________________ Clintons Operation Vowel Drop CLINTON DEPLOYS VOWELS TO SERBIA and BOSNIA Cities of Sjlbvdnzv, Grzny to Be First Recipients Before an emergency joint session of Congress yesterday, President Clinton announced US plans to deploy over 75,000 vowels to the war-torn region of Yugoslavia. The deployment, the largest of its kind in American history, will provide the region with the critically needed letters A,E,I,O and U, and is hoped to render countless…

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The General and the Flag

This American general was invited to Ireland to review the Irish troops. His plane landed at the Dublin airport, and the general stepped off the plane. To his surprise, there stood the Irish troops along side the runway. All of them “Buck Naked”. The general said, “A bit unusual, but carry on”. The general stepped in front of the first soldier for inspection. A fine figure of a soldier: 6’6″ tall, 200 lbs, wide shoulders, narrow waist, hair all over…

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Women are from Venus?

Remember the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? Well, here is a prime example offered by an English professor at Southern Methodist University, English 44A, SMU, Creative Writing, Prof. Miller. __________________________________ In-class Assignment for Wednesday: Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a…

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the way they are…

Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of that year’s incoming freshmen. Here’s this year’s list: **************************************** 1. The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1980. 2. They have no meaningful recollection of the Reagan Era and did not know he had ever been shot. 3. They were prepubescent when the Persian Gulf War was waged.…

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Elvis Returns

Father O’Malley has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long that he decides to take a vacation. He has never been married, and he is curious as to what an American endures in everyday life. So he decides to go to the United States before he is too old to enjoy it. He hops on a plane bound for Nevada. As he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to him and exclaims, “ELVIS!…

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Around the World

A french man, an american man and a romanian man are on a plane. The french man sticks out his hand and declares, “We’re above France.” The other two, confused, ask him, “How did you know?” He answers “I stuck out my hand and could feel the top of the Eifel Tower.” The american then sticks out his hand and is sure that they’re flying above America. The french and romanian ask him how he knows. He replies, “I stuck…

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What are you?

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, “What kind of ‘ese’ are you?” The Japanese confused, replied, “Sorry, but I don’t understand what you mean.” The American repeated,”What kind of ‘ese’ are you?” Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, loudly repeated, “Jeez, how tough is this — what kind of ‘ESE’ are you? Are you ChinESE or…

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Airline Anecdotes

I know it’s long, but it’s worth reading:o) Occasionally, airline flight attendants make an effort to make the “in-flight safety lecture” a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: “As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position.” “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 6 ways out of this airplane…” “Your seat cushions…

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