Jokes News

Yo momma so poor she can’t pay attention.

One day at a bar there was a brunette, a redhead and a natural blonde with green streaks.

This hot looking male walks into the bar and asks the brunette, “How do you keep your hair so brown?” The brunette said “It’s natural.”

So he goes on to the next girl and asks her, “How do you keep your hair so red?” The redhead replies, “It’s natural.”

Then he goes on to the girl who has blonde hair with green streaks, and he asks “How do you keep your keep your hair so green?” The natural blonde replies, “I don’t know,” and wipes her hand from her nose to her hair.

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, “CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM AND GET $10.”

One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, “Murray, what’s going on?”

“Abe,” replies Murray, “I’m thinking of doing it.”

Abe says, “What? Are you crazy?”

Murray things for a minute and says, “Abe, I’m going to do it!”

With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with his head bowed.

“So,” asks Abe, “did you get your ten dollars?”

Murray looks at him and says, “Is that all you people think about?”

In a young classroom, three young children are discussing their fathers’ careers.

The first boy says, “My Dad writed words on a piece of paper. He calls it a poem, and gets paid £100 for it.” The boys agree this is impressive.

The second boy says, “My Dad also writes words on a piece of paper. He calls his a song and gets paid £1000 for it.” They all agree this is also impressive.

The third boy says, “My Dad writes words on a piece of paper as well. He calls his a sermon, and it takes four people to collect all the money.”

Mommy Mommy why is daddy running so fast?

SHUT UP and step on the gas.

A guy took his girlfriend to her first football game. Afterward he asked her how she like the game.

“I liked it, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents,” she said.

“What do you mean?” he asked.

“Well, everyone kept yelling, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!”

A businessman was flying over Chicago in his small airplane when suddenly the engine stopped.

He reached behind the seat, grabbed his parachute and bailed out of the plane.

On the way down to earth he met a woman wearing an apron going up.

He shouted to her, “Hey lady, do you know anything about parachutes?”

She replied, “No sir, do you know anything about gas stoves?”

A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule at 2 a.m.

Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. She sleepily sat up and said, “Mike, Dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I’ve got a splitting headache.”

“Certainly, Honey,” he said. Feeling his way across the room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise. “Say,” said the druggist, “aren’t you Officer Fenwick of the 8th District?”

“Yes, I am,” said the officer.

“Well, then, what in the world are you doing in the Fire Chief’s uniform?”

Yo mama is so stupid that she dialed 911 on the microwave.

Yo mama is so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo mama is so stupid she got locked in a Grocery store and starved.

Yo mama is so stupid she got locked in the Bathroom and peeded in her pants.