Jokes News

Q: What does a blonde call dark color hair dye???

A: Artificial intelligence!

How Do You Catch An Elephant?

First you have to dig a big hole. Then you fill it with ashes. Sprinkle peas on top to camoflauge it. When the elephant goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.

A tall well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frog
legs,who appreciates a good fuc-
schia garden,classic music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please read only lines 1,3,5!

“Grandma, when you and Grandpa had your first baby, did Grandpa ever handle the middle-of-the-night feedings?”

“No. I always did that.”

“That must have been before Women’s Liberation.”

“No, it was before we had baby bottles.”

I have been kind of depressed lately about the size of my penis. Last week, I got a letter to go serve Jury Duty. So I did.

At the end of the week, they kicked me out.

I said, “How can you kick me out?”

They replied, “This is a hung jury, you don’t fit in.”

Q: How do you separate men from boys in San Francisco?

A: With a crow-bar

An American woman and an Iranian woman are in the supermarket.
The Iranian woman picks up two potatoes and says, “These remind me of my husband’s testicles.”
The American woman says, “That big?”
The Iranian woman says, No…that dirty.”

Do you know what rodeo sex is?

It’s where you mount the woman from behind and start going nice and easy. The you pull back her hair and you whisper into her ear, “Your sister was better!”

Then you try to hold on for eight seconds.

I dreamt death came the other night,
And Heaven’s Gate swung wide-
An Angel with a halo bright
Ushered me inside.

And, there, to my astonishment,
Stood folks I’d judged and labeled;
As “quite unfit,” “of little worth”
And, “spiritually disabled!!”

Indignant words rose to my lips,
But never were set free,
For every face showed stunned surprise;
Not one expected ME!

A father and his little boy went into a local drug store to pick up prescription. While in the store the little boy was looking around and came upon a rather large display of condoms. The little boy looked at all the brightly colored packages and the different types and the different quantities. The little boy went to his father and asked, “Daddy what are these?”

The father, stuttered, and said, “Well, they are for protection from diseases when a man and a woman make love.”

The little boy contemplated the concept for a few moments and then asked… “Then, why do these come in a pacakage of three?” The father coyly answered, “Those are for young men in high school. One for Friday night, one for Saturday night and one for Sunday afternoon.”

“OH,” said the little boy, “then why are these in pacakages of six?” The father smirked. “Those are for young men in college. There are two for Friday night, two for Saturday night and two for Sunday afternoon.”

“WOW!” said the little boy in amazement. He then asked, “Well, then why are these packaged a dozen at a time?” The father answered, “Those, my son, are for married men…

(Sigh) One for January, one for February …”