Jokes News

I remember the first time I entered a topless restaurant, back in the 1970s, in Colorado. I went in the place out of curiosity, and was fascinated by the beautiful young women walking around, waiting on the customers, and wearing no tops. I was awestruck!

A pretty blonde with bright green eyes walked over to me and smiled. “Would you like something?” she purred.

Unable to take my eyes off her chest, but needing exact change for the cigarette machine, I blurted out, “Do you have TWO NIPPLES for a dime?”

How can you tell a Polish girl at a nude beach?

She’s the one with the tampon string sticking out of her ass!

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

“Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” explained the lady. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn’t gone too far when my husband’s mule stumbled.

My husband quietly said, ‘That’s once.’ We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my husband quietly said, ‘That’s twice.’ We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My husband took a pistol from his pocket and shot him.

I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he looked at me and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’”

> IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
> My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
> person behind the counter for “minimal lettuce.” He said he was sorry, but
> they only had iceberg.

One time I saw an old lady trip and fall in the street.
I know it shouldn’t have been funny, but I laughed anyway. But then I started to think, “What if I was an ant?” Then it wouldn’t be so funny.

After watching Cary Grant on a television broadcast, his mother, then in her nineties, reprimanded him for letting his hair get so gray.

“It doesn’t bother me,” he replied carelessly.

“Maybe not,” said his mother sternly, “but it bothers me. It makes me seem so old!”

Q: Why did the ugly girl swallow a needle

A: She always wanted to feel a prick inside her

Sally, the new girl in fourth grade, was always acting the ass in class. The teacher, Mrs. Jones, was fed up. She decided to phone Sally’s father. When the phone rang, Sally answered the phone. “May I speak with your father?” said the teacher. Sally replied, “He’s in the barn. I wouldn’t bother him if I were you.” Mrs. Jones decided to let the matter go.

The next day, Sally really acted the ass! Mrs. Jones could stand no more. That evening, she went to pay Sally’s father a visit. When she arrived, Sally answered the door. Mrs. Jones asked Sally, “Where is your father”? Once again Sally replied, “He’s in the barn right now, but I wouldn’t bother him If I were you.” Frustrated, Mrs. Jones ran off to the barn, only to find Sally’s father having sex with a donkey!

In a mad dash, Mrs. Jones ran back to the house and said, “Sally, do you know your dad is in the barn having sex with a donkey?”

Sally replies, “Yes, hee, hee, hee hawways does that!”

A Texan had two warning signs posted at the entrance to his ranch. On the left sign, printed in English, were these words: “TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT AND KILLED BY THE OWNER OF THIS PROPERTY”.

Printed in Spanish on the right-hand sign were these words: “FOR YOUR SAFETY, HEALTH AND WELL-BEING, LEARN TO READ THE SIGN TO YOUR LEFT”

Because of an anticipated voter-turnout much larger than originally expected, the polling facilities may not be able to handle the load all at once.

Therefore, Republicans are asked to vote on Tuesday, November 7, and Democrats on Wednesday, November 8.

Please pass this messagae along and help us to make sure that nobody gets left out.