Jokes News

The sky was dark
The moon was high
The wind did fade
All alone, she and I

Her hair was soft
Her eyes were blue
I knew just what
She wanted to do

Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers
Down her spine

I didn’t know how
But I tried my best
I started by placing
My hands on her breast

I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
But slowly she spread
Her long legs apart

And when I did it
I felt no shame
As all at once
The white stuff came

At last it’s finished
Yes, all over now
My first time ever
At milking a cow.

Ten Things Whipped Guys Do

10. Asks if there is anything more he can do for her
(wihout sarcasm).

9. Goes to the store to get stuff for her and likes it.

8. Leaves fresh towels in the bathroom.

7. Actually listens to her problems and will turn off the tv to do so.

6. Gives a backrub if it looks like her neck is sore.

5. Gives her a backrub if it looks like her neck is sore.

4. Gives her a backrub anyways.

3. Watches movies like “Little Women” and “Steel Magnolias” without hesitation or complaint.

2. Asks her how her day was (everyday).

1. Always puts the toilet seat back down!

What is God’s favorite food?

Swiss cheese … you know why? Because it’s holy.

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn’t help noticing how beautiful John’s roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom’s thoughts, John volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates.”

About a week later, Julie came to John and said, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?” John said, “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll write her a letter just to be sure.” So he sat down and wrote: “Dear Mother, I’m not saying you ‘did’ take a gravy ladle from my house, and I’m not saying you ‘did not’ take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.”

Several days later, John received a letter from his mother which read: “Dear Son, I’m not saying that you ‘do’ sleep with Julie, and I’m not saying that you ‘do not’ sleep with Julie. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom”

Q: What do you call 4 blondes at the bottom of a swimming pool?

A: Air Bubbles

Yo mama’s so slutty, I could of been your daddy but the dog beat me upstairs!

Yo mama’s so slutty, I could’ve been yo daddy but the guy behind me had the right change!

why did the rocket lose his job??

because he was fired

I was teaching my fifth-graders their weekly vocabulary lesson in reading class and was working on using the word, “afford,” properly.

I called on a little boy named Michael, and I asked him what he thought the word, “afford” meant.

He, very innocently, replied, “It’s a truck.”

yo mama so stupid she walked by the YMCA and said,look honey somebody spelled macy wrong.