Jokes News

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino?

A: Eleph-i-no (’ell if I know!)

There was this truckie talking to his boss about the new truck that had arrived and the boss was telling the truckie to take it to depot 1 which was over the other side of the city, telling the truckie,

“Look mate, this is a brand new truck. I want you to take it over to depot one and if you get into any trouble in the least, call me and I’ll sort it out.”

So off the truckie goes and as fate has it he rings his boss 1 hour later telling him,

“Boss I just ran over this huge pig and it’s stuck under the truck. It came out of nowhere!” The boss got worried and asked if there was anything wrong with the truck. On being told there wasn’t, the boss told the truckie to gut the pig then he would be able to drag it out and chuck it in the bushes. So the truckie did and then called back 15 minutes later saying,

“Yeah boss, I gutted the pig and through it in the bushes …but what the hell do I do with his motorbike?”

A blonde walked into the pet store and, after looking up and down the aisles, asked the sales clerk for help.

“I’d like a box of birdseed,” said the lady.

“For which kind of bird?” he asked helpfully.

“Oh, I dunno,” she replied. “Whichever will grow the fastest . . . .”

An American, and Englishman and a Frenchman were discussing a good example of savoir-faire.

“Well,” said the American, “if you came home and found your wife in bed with another man and you didn’t kill the son-of-a-b***h, that, to me, is savoir-faire.”

“Not quite, chaps,” said the Englishman. “If you came home and found your wife in bed with another man and you said, ‘Please, sir, carry on,’ that’s savoir-faire.”

“Mais non,” said the Frenchman. “If you came home and found your wife in bed with another man and you said, ‘Please, sir, carry on’ and the man was able to continue, HE’S got savoir-faire!”

Q: What is long and hard on an American male?

A: The THIRD GRADE

Use a calculator for this joke.

A doctor says to a woman, “You have a sixty-nine inch bustline. (Type 69) That’s too, too, too large. (Enter 222 after 69.) I’m giving you these pills. You have to take them 5 times a day (Enter 51 after 69222) for the next 8 days. (Multiply 6922251 by
Press <>, then flip the calculator upside-down for the effects of the pills!

A tourist from Albegestan goes on his first overseas trip. Upon arriving, he is visibly puzzled filling out his Visa application. The border official looks over his shoulder and sees the tourist trying to write “Twice a week” into the small space labeled “SEX.”

The official explains, “No, no, no. That is not what we mean by this question. We are asking ‘Male’ or Female’.”

“Doesn’t matter,” the tourist answers.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a limo?

A: Not everybody’s been in a limo.