Jokes News

Why do doctors smack the babies when they are born?

To knock the balls off the dumb ones.

Knock Knock.

Who’s there?

Joe.

Joe who?

Joe mama!

Q: Did you hear about the perverted archeologist?

A: He could sniff a tampon and tell you what period it came from.

How do you confuse an archeologist?

You give him a used sanitary napkin and ask him from which period it was

Did you hear that Monica refuses to play golf with Clinton anymore.

She was tired of getting hit in the face with his balls.

German playwright and novelist Hermann Sudermann and fellow-dramatist Richard Voss disliked each other. When a dramatists’ guild was founded, their colleagues brought them together to effect a reconciliation, as their names were of importance to the guild.

After much hesitation they were persuaded to shake hands. Voss added, “Herr Sudermann, I wish for your next play the same success as you wish me.”

Sudermann turned to the onlookers: “Did you hear that? There he goes again!”

What does Bill Clinton call Cyberspace?

The internnet

What’s the difference between a GOOD stewardess and a GREAT stewardess?

A GOOD stewardess smiles and says, “Good morning, Captain.”

A GREAT stewardess smiles and says, “It’s morning, Captain.”

In keeping with the King of Bubis story who gets a new throne built everyday:

Instead of throwing these thrones away, the king’s servants store the extra thrones in the attic of his grass shack….since they were worried that during the dry season, they might not get enough rain to grow the tall grasses with which to weave and fashion a new throne.

Well, later that year, there was a minor earth tremor, and all those thrones that were saved up in the attic came tumbling down right on top of the king and sent him to the hospital with various bumps and bruises…Poor guy!

The moral to this story is that people who live in grasshouses shouldn’t stow thrones.

A New York man was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.

When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the next day and he would have to return the next day.

“What for?” he snapped at the judge.

His Honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query roared, “Twenty dollars contempt of court. That’s why!”

Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented.

“That’s alright. You don’t have to pay now.”

The young man replied, “I’m just seeing if I have enough for two more words.”