Jokes News

How many times does a blonde laugh during a joke?

3 times:
Once when it’s told to her.
Once when it’s explained.
And once when she finally gets it.

“I’d like to buy some gloves for my wife,” the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl, “but I don’t know her size.”

“Will this help?” she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.

“Oh, yes,” he answered. “Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.”

“Will there be anything else?” the salesgirl inquired, as she wrapped the gloves.

“Now that you mention it,” he replied, “she also needs a bra and panties.”

A couple, both 67, went to a sex therapist’s office. The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”

The man said, “Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?”

The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. The doctor examined them and then directed them to disrobe and go at it. When the couple finished, the doctor reexamined them and, upon completion, advised the couple, “There’s nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse.” He then charged them $32.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems other than the lack of vigor which is to be expected in 67 year olds, get dressed, pay the doctor, and then leave. Finally after almost two months of this routine, the doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?”

The old man said, “Oh, we’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married and we can’t go to her house. I’m married, so we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60. The Hilton charges $78. We do it here for $32 and I get $28 back from Medicare.”

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

King Arthur was about to go out on a long journey by himself, but feared leaving his queen with all those horny knights of his. So he went to Merlin for advice. Merlin gave him a belt to put on the queen.

“But this belt has a giant hole in it where I want her to be protected!” said King Arthur

Merlin took one of his old wands and put it through the hole. A giant blade chopped it in half.

King Arthur thanked Merlin, put in on his wife and went off.

Years later, Arthur returned. Immediately, he ordered all the knights to pull down their pants. All of their dicks had been chopped off or damaged in some way exept for Lancelot’s.

“Lancelot, you are the only knight true to me. Ask me of anything and you shall have it”

But Lancelot was speechless.

After the crash in Paris, Queen Elizabeth called O.J. and said “Mr. Simpson, now THAT’S how it’s done!”

Two blondes lock their keys in their car, so one blonde trys to break in. The other blonde just stands there. Eventually the first blonde says,”I can’t break in!” and the seconed blonde replies, “Well keep trying it looks like its going to rain and the tops down.”