Jokes News

The teacher decided to give the class a pop quiz on this
week’s spelling words. “Now class, you are to spell the words, then use them in a sentence,” said the teacher. “The three words are hotel, stigma, and homosexual.”

So Johnny stands up and says “OK teach, I’ll give it a shot.
First word…H-O-T-E-L. The president asked Monica to keep
their affair under wraps, but Linda Tripp made the ho tel.”

Teacher says “Uh, that’s not the correct way to use that word. Try another one.”

Johnny says “Alright teach, S-T-I-G-M-A. The President said to Monica, ‘I want to stig ma cigar in your pussy.’”

Teacher says “Now Johnny, you spelled the word right, but
didn’t use it correctly!”

“OK teach, how bout this…H-O-M-O-S-E-X-U-A-L. The President asked Monica not to wear any panties because he thought it made the ho mo sexual.”

Two old men, with very bad limps, were walking down the street in opposite directions.

The first old man, who was practically dragging his leg behind him, came up to the second old man and said proudly into his ear “Japan WW2 1943″ -referring to how he received his injury-

The second old man then whispered back in a soft voice, “Dog Shit - 5 minutes ago”

Why are there no phones in China?

There are so many Wings and Wongs, you might Wing a Wong number.

Do you know the difference between a Northern fairy tale and a Southern fairy tale?

A Northern faiey tale starts out, “Once upon a time…”

A Southern fairy tale starts out, “Ya’ll ain’t gonna b’lieve this shit…”

Little 14 year old Johnny was in his room masturbating. Suddenly, his Mother opened the door and caught him. Thinking fast, she told him that he shouldn’t be doing that, he should save it for when he gets married.

Twelve years later, Johnny fell in love and got married. At his reception, he pulled his Mother aside and asked her if she remembered what she had told him when she caught him masturbating. She said yes, she did.

Hearing this, Johnny said, “Well, I took your advice, and saved it for when I got married. Now I have 22 gallons of it, what do I do with it now?”

Q. What did the Gay whale do when he saw a submarine?

A. He bit of its head and swallowed all the semen.

A lovely blonde had just had a complete physical after having missed two consecutive menstrual periods.

“Well, Mrs. Appleby,” smiled her doctor. “I have good news for you.”

“Wait, Doctor,” she interrupted. “It’s not MRS.
Appleby…it’s MISS Appleby.”

“Oh,” said the doctor. “In that case, Miss Appleby, I
have bad news for you.”

When you’re having a bad day and people seem thoughtless or inconsiderate, remember………..

It takes 42 muscles to frown,

but only 4 to extend your middle finger

A man was walking along the beach when he saw a half buried ornate bottle. He picked it up and after examining it closely, removed the decorative stopper.

As expected, a cloud of smoke blew out and a Genie appeared. The Genie informed the man that he was now the Genie’s master and was granted three wishes, but with a rider attached. The Genie proceeded to announce that his previous master was Bill Clinton and his third wish was for him to receive double what subsequent owners wished for.

The man acknowledged this condition and proceeded to state his first wish: “I’d like a villa on the French Riviera.”

“Master, it is as you wish,” the Genie stated, “and President Clinton will have 2 villas on the French Riviera.”

“Genie, that’s fine,” said the man, “for my second wish, I’d like $100 million.”

“It is my pleasure to do as you ordered, master,” said the Genie; “And the President will now have $200 million. What is your third wish?”

The man thought about this for some time before saying: “Genie, for my last wish, I’d like to donate a kidney.”

Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

A: One is a bottom dwelling scum sucker and the other is a fish.