Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog in a pond.

The frog said to the princess, “I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom, and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy doing so.”

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she laughed to herself and thought, “I don’t fucking think so.”

Why do blondes wear tampons w/ extra long cords?

So the crabs can bungee jump, of course!!

A guy traveling through the prairies of the USA stopped at a small town and went to a bar. He stood at the end of the bar, ordered a drink, and lit up a cigar.

As he sipped his drink, he stood there quietly blowing smoke rings. After he blew nine or ten smoke rings into the air, an angry American Indian stomped up to him and said, “One more remark like that, and I’ll do my best to remember how my great-grandfather told me to scalp people like you.

One day there were 3 blondes who were locked out of their car trying to open it with a hanger.

One blonde tried to use a hanger. It didn’t work.

Another blonde tried the same thing but it didn’t work. Same thing happened to the other blonde.

Then the clouds started to form and the blonde who owned the car said, “Hurry up, it is about to rain and the top is still down.”

A construction worker tells his doctor, “I’m constipated.”

The doctor examines him for a few minutes and says, “Lean over the table.”

After he does so, the doctor whacks him on his ass, with a baseball bat. A loud “CRACK!” is heard, and the doctor sends the man to the bathroom.

After coming out of the bathroom, the construction worker says, “I feel great! What should I do to prevent constipation in the future?”

The doctor says, “Stop wiping your butt with cement bags.”