Jokes News

What does a doctor say before proceeds with brain surgery on a blonde ?

Space ………. the final frontier.

Q: 2 condoms were walking by a gay bar. What did the one say to the other?

A: “Let’s go in and get ’shit-faced’!”

Q: How do you you recycle a condom?

A: Turn it inside out and shake the ‘fuck’ out of it!

Yo mama so poor, she went to KFC and licked everybody else’s fingers.

One day a mouse came upon an elephant in the jungle who had gotten a thorn in its foot.

The mouse felt sorry for the elephant, and pulled the thorn out.

The elephant was indeed grateful, and offered the mouse anything it wanted in return for the good deed.

The mouse, noticing that the elephant was female, and feeling rather randy at the time, said: “Well, I’ve always wanted to fuck an elephant.”

The elephant laughed and laughed, and said:”No problem.” and raised the mouse up to her back with her trunk.

The mouse walked to the back of the elephant, who held her tail out of the way, and got started.

Just then a coconut fell from a palm tree and hit the elephant on the head. “Ouch.” She said.

The mouse said: “Take it all, bitch!”

One day a little red man came home from work in his little red car and parked on his little red driveway. He got out and walked up his little red path into his little red house. He walked up his little red stairs and into his little red bathroom. He took his little red clothes off and walk into his little red shower.

After his shower he put his little red towel around himself, walked out of his little red bathroom, down his little red stairs, out his little red door, down his little red path, down his little red driveway to the side of the road.

Then a lady crossed to the little red man’s side of the road and when she was halfway the little red man’s towel fell off!! Then a car hit the woman.

What is the moral of this story?
Don’t cross the road while the little red man is flashing!!

Your mom and dad were so poor they got married just for the rice!

How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?

Two - one to change the light bulb, and one to sue the original light bulb manufacturer for pain and suffering for having to change the light bulb, compensation for lost light, and to set a new legal precedence requiring light bulb manufacturers to state clearly that light bulbs may require replacing and that the manufacturer is in no way responsible for lost wages or any other consequential damages as allowed by law.

A couple goes into the zoo. They stop at the gorilla cage.
He says to her: “Well, let’s make a test. Take off your blouse.” She’s slightly confused, but she does so. The gorilla starts getting nervous.

“Now, take off your skirt,” he says. And she takes off her skirt. The gorilla is now running up and down.

“And finally,” he says, “take off your bra and slip.” And she does so. The gorilla is getting completely nuts.

“And now,” he finally says, “go to him and tell him, you’ve got a migraine!”