One day a little boy asks his father, “Dad what does a vagina look like before sex?”

“Well,” his father responds, “Have you ever seen what a nice petite pink rose looks like?”

The little boy replies, “Well yes I have actually, so what does a vagina look like after sex?”

The father thinks for a bit and finally says, “Have you ever seen a bulldog eat mayonaise!”

One night there were two guys sitting around a fire. One guy turns around and says, “Do you want a beer?”

The other guy replies, “No, better not. Last time I got drunk, I blew chunks”.

So they’re still sitting around and about an hour later, the first guy is just wasted. He asked again, “Are you sure you don’t want a beer?”

The second guy says “No, last time I blew chunks.”

The first guy said, “Don’t be a nerd, just do it.”

The second guy goes “Man, you don’t understand. ‘Chunks’ is my dog!”

A political activist named Dave was just arriving in Hell, and was told he had a choice to make. He could go to Capitalist Hell or to Communist Hell.

Naturally, Dave wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to Capitalist Hell. There outside the door was Adam Smith, looking bored. “What’s it like in there?” asked Dave.

“Well,” replied Adam, “In Capitalist Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.”

“That’s terrible!” gasped Dave. “I’m going to check out Communist Hell before I decide.” In Communist Hell he discovered a huge line of people waiting to get in; the line circled around the lobby seven times before receding off into the horizon.

Dave pushed his way through to the head of the line, where he found Karl Marx busily signing people in. Dave asked Karl what Communist Hell was like.

“In Communist Hell,” said Marx impatiently, “they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let vultures tear out your liver, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.”

“But…but that’s the same as Capitalist Hell!” protested Dave.

“True,” sighed Marx, “but sometimes we don’t have oil, sometimes we don’t have knives…”

A little boy came into the kitchen where his mother was cleaning the dishes.

He tugged at his mother’s skirt and said “Mom, can I ask you a question?”

His mother turned to look at him and saw him standing there with his hands cupped together .

“Sure honey, go ahead.”

He looked at his hands and said, “Are there boy grasshoper’s?”

“Yes, honey.” she replied. The little boy looked in his hands again and said,

“Are there girl grasshoper’s?” She thought to herself Oh, no he’s too young, ” Uh, no honey.”

The little boy clapped his hands together tight and said, “FAGS!!”

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mother’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and saying, “I need a man, I need a man.”

Over the next couple of months he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her room he saw a naked man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed and started stroking himself and began moaning, “Ohhhhh, I need a bike! I need a bike!”