Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated.

On the bus, one turned to another and said, “So, what did you bring?”

The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the “Van Gogh of Jail”.

Then he asked the first, “What did you bring?” The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, “I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games.” The third convict was sitting quietly aside, grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, “Why are you so smug? What did you bring?”

The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said “I brought these.” The other two were puzzled and asked - “What can you do with those?”

He grinned and pointed to the box and said - “Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating….”

Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender.

“I’ll have a glass of blood,” said one.

“I’ll have a glass of plasma,” said the other.

“Okay,” replied the bartender, “that’ll be one Blood and one Blood Lite.”

Q: what do you get when you cross a raindeer and a dill pickle?

A: a dilldoe

Q: How do you give a redneck a circumcision?

A: You kick his sister on the jaw.

—===Spook===—

What has a 100 teeth and eats wieners?

A ZIPPER! OOUUCHHH!!!