A young girl about 12 walked into a barber shop eating a chocolate chip cookie.

“Is that a good cookie?” asked the barber when she sat down to cut her hair. “Oh, yes,” said the girl.

“Would you mind putting it down while I cut your hair?” asked the barber. “I’d rather not,” retorted the girl.

“OK,” said the barber. The barber started cutting her hair and soon some of the hair started to fall on the cookie.

“You know, you’re getting hair on your cookie,” said the barber.

“I know, and I’m growing breasts too!”

The peace talks are in progress.

Saddam invites Bill over to Bagdahd to talk. Halfway through the talks, Saddam presses a small red button on his chair. Suddenley, a boxing glove flies through the air and hits Bill right on the nose.

“Ah Crap!” whines Bill “Why d’ya do that?”

Saddam just laughs. After about 10 more minutes of the peace talks, Saddam pushes another small red button on his chair. From underneath the table, a big boot comes out and kicks Bill right in the nuts.

“Goddamit! What was that for?” says Bill.

Again, Saddam laughs and they carry on with the talks. After yet another 10 minutes, Saddam pushes another button on his chair, and Bill is given a rather hefty electric shock.

“That’s it,” says Bill “I’m going back to Washington”

A couple of weeks later, Saddam gets a letter inviting him over to the White House. He accepts, and flies over. They start the talks and everything is going smoothly, when suddenly Bill pushes a small red button on his chair. Saddam, expecting something to come flying out from under the table, flinches, but yet nothing happens. Bill, sitting behind his desk, chuckles, and the talks resume.

After about 10 minutes Bill pushes another small red button on his chair, and again Saddam flinches, but yet still nothing happens. Saddam, now a bit pissed off, offers to resume the talks, and the talks resume.

After another 10 minutes, Bill pushes yet another small red button on his chair. Saddam ducks, expecting a flying boxing glove or an electric shock.

Nothing happens.

Saddam, enraged, yells “Thats it! I’m going back to Bagdahd!”.

Bill chuckles and calmly says: “Bagdahd? What Bagdahd?”

To share to whom it may concern:

I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an eight-year-old again. I want to go to McDonald’s and think that its a four star restaurant.

I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make ripples with rocks. I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer’s day. I want to return to a time when life was simple.

When all you knew were colors, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn’t bother you, because you didn’t know what you didn’t know nad you didn’t care.

All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset. I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible.

I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again. I want to live simple again.

I don’t want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones.

I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow.

So…here’s my checkbook and my car-keys, my credit card bills and my 401K statements.

I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you’ll have to catch me first, cause, “Tag! - You’re it.”

Signed,
An Adult

What does monica lewensky and a vending machine have in common?

They both say insert bill here.

One day, a man knocked on the door of a house of prostitution and asked for a specific girl. “I must see Helga”, he said.

The madam told him that she was the most expensive of the girls, a thousand dollars an hour.

The man said that was fine and showed the madam that he had the money. He went upstairs and had sex with her for the hour. At the end of the hour, he got dressed, laid the money on the bed and left.

The next day, the same thing happens. He shows up and requests Helga again. He goes upstairs and spends the next hour with her, leaving the money on the bed, he leaves.

For the third day in a row, the man shows up and asks again for Helga. After the hour was up, Helga finally decided to ask him why he returns and specifically asks for her.

“You see Helga,” the man said, “I am from the same village that you are from. When your father found out that I was coming to America for a visit, he asked me to give you some money. Three thousand dollars to be exact.”