Albert goes to a doctor and says: “Doctor, my wife has recently lost her voice. What should I do to help her get it back?”

The doctor replies, “Try coming home at three in the morning!”

A new minister in a small town spent the first four days desperately calling on the membership, begging them to come to his first services….He failed.

Early the following week, he placed a notice in the local newspaper stating that, as the church was dead, it was his duty to give it a decent Christian burial. The funeral would be held the following Sunday afternoon, the notice said.

Morbidly curious, the whole town turned out. In front of the pulpit, they saw a high coffin, smothered in flowers. The minister read the obituary and delivered a eulogy; he then invited his congregation to step forward and pay their respects to the dearly beloved who had departed. The long line filed by. Each mourner peeped into the coffin and then turned away with a guilty, sheepish look.

In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a large mirror. Everyone saw himself.

A man goes to his doctor and tells him that is wife never wants to have sex with him anymore. The doctor tells the man to leave and send his wife in so he can talk to her.

The wife comes into the room and the doctor asks, “Your husband is concerned by your lack of interest in sex. Can you explain?”

The wife tells him, “For the last 7 months every morning I take a cab to work. I don’t have enough money for the fare, so the cab driver asks me, ‘So are you going to pay today, or what?’

So I take an ‘or what’.

When I get to work I’m late so the boss asks if we are going to write my tardiness down in the book, or what?

So I take an ‘or what’.

After work I take the cab back home and again I don’t have any money. So the cab driver asks me again, ‘Are you going to pay this time, or what?’

So again I take an ‘or what’.

So you see, Doctor, when I get home I’m all tired out, and I simply don’t want it any more.”

The doctor thinks it over and says, “So are we going to tell your husband, or what?”

Your mama is so flat she is jealous of the wall!

Don’t have sex with a Chinese girl. As lovely and as sexually skilled as they are, it’s not a good idea, because one hour later, you’ll be horny again.