Jokes News

Why were Helen Keller’s legs yellow?

Her dog was blind too.

There were three men sitting at a bar. One was Chinese, one was American and the other was Canadian.

All of the sudden a fly landed in each of the men’s bar mugs.

The Chinese man pushed his mug away and proclaimed that he wanted another beer free of cost.

The American took out the fly and continued drinking his beer.

The Canadian grabbed the fly by the wings and started shaking it over his mug shouting, “Spit it out you bastard, spit it out!”

The owner of a golf course in Alabama was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, “Ya’ll graduated from the University of Alabama. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”

The secretary thought a moment, then replied, “Everything but my earrings.”

There was this man named Elmer Shit. Everyone poked fun at him until he couldn’t take it anymore. One day Elmer took his very best friend to the side and said he was going to change his rotten name for good.

So they go to the courthouse, money in hand, and Mr. Shit has a smile from ear to ear. Then his friend asks, “What is your new name?” And Elmer says, “Barney Shit.”

Three guys Bob, Joe, and Tom are walking through town with nothing to do. Bob gets an idea and says, “Let’s check out a whore house!” Joe and Tom think it’s a good idea. When they get to the whore house Bob walks to the counter and is greeted by the lady.

The lady says, “How much money do you have?” Bob says, “I only got 20 bucks.” The lady says, “Well go up the stairs and enter the first room on your right.” So Bob walks up and five minutes later walks back down with a big smile on his face. Tom jumps up and asks him what happened. “Well I gave the lady my 20 bucks, then she put a doughnut on my prick and ate it off!”

So then Joe runs to the counter and tells the lady that he has 40 dollars. The lady tells him, “Go upstairs and take the second door on the right.” Ten minutes later Joe walks down the stairs with even a bigger smile thans Bobs. “What happened?” asked Tom. “Whoa I gave the whore 40 bucks and she put two doughnuts on my prick and ate them off!”

Tom full of excitement runs to the lady and tells her he has 80 dollars. The lady says, “Go up the stairs and go into the third door on your right.” Seconds later Tom comes running down the stairs swearing! Bob asks Tom what had happened and Tom says, “That damm ho upstairs ran out of cheerios!!!!”

A traveler was wandering around the town searching for a place to stay for the night. He checked all of them, but all were completely full.

He stumbles upon the last hotel in the town, walks in, and asks the clerk for a room. The clerk says he has only one room left, but that if he wants it he can have it. The traveler eagerly accepts.

While he’s walking up the stairs to his room, the clerk yells to him, “Oh by the way, remember not to stick your dick into the three holes in the wall.”

The man is puzzled by this, but he proceeds to his room. Sure enough he sees three holes in the wall. After a while of staring at the holes, he decides to go against the clerks advice. He sticks his dick into the first hole, and man, its the greatest sex he’s had in his life. He sticks it into the second, and its even better.

Finally he sticks it into the third hole in the wall, and damn, it hurts more than any other pain in his life. He runs down to the clerk and asks, “Dude, what where in those three holes?”

The clerk replies, “The first one was the farmer’s cow, the second was the farmer’s daughter, and the third was the farmer, and he don’t stop pulling till he gets milk!”

An 85 year old man marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new husband is so old the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate suites.

She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert
himself.

After the festivities she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting.

Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.

After a few minutes there’s a knock on the door and there the old guy is again ready for more action.

Somewhat surprised she consents to further coupling which is again successful after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves. She is certainly ready
for slumber at this point and is close to sleep for the second time when there is another knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 25 year old and ready for more. Once again they do the horizontal boogie.

As they’re laying in afterglow the young bride says to him, “I am really impressed that a guy your age has enough juice to go for it three times. I’ve been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one.”

The old guy looks puzzled and turns to her and says, “Was I already here?”