Jokes News

A Frenchman, an Italian and an Canadian were discussing love-making. “Last night I made love to my wife three times,” boasted the Frenchman, “She was in sheer ecstasy this morning…”

“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian responded…… “and this morning she made me a
wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man.”

When the Canadian remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, “And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?”

“Once,” he replied.

“Only once?” the Italian arrogantly snorted. “And what did she say to you this morning?”

“Don’t stop!” said the Canadian.

Little Johnny’s teacher asked the class if they had ever heard the word “contagious” before.

Little Susie put up her hand and proceded to tell the class that when somebody has the chicken pox they are contagious. Her mummy said so.

Next was little Robert. He told the class that contagious was when somebody has got the measles.

Then little Johnny stood up to set them all right. “You’re both wrong. The other day I was sitting on the porch with my old man and the neighbour was painting his house with a really small paint brush. My dad said, “That’s going take that CUNT AGES.”

A little old blue-haired lady entered the lingerie shop and asked in a quavering voice “Young man, d-d-do y-y-you s-s-sell s-sexual aids h-here in th-this sh-shop?”

The salesman was quite surprised by this grandmotherly lady’s question but was able to reply “Well, uh, yes Ma’am, we do.”

The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about 10″ apart asked “D-do y-y-you have an-ny ab-about th-this s-size” and, forming a circle with her trembling fingers, “ab-about this b-b-big ar-around?”

“Yes, Ma’am, we do” said the blushing young man. “They’re called dildos.”

“Y-yes, and d-do an-ny of th-them have v-v-vi-brators?”

“Yes, they do”, replied the salesman.

“W-well, h-how d-do y-y-you t-turn th-them off?”

There were two guys, Bob and Joe. Now Bob and Joe LOVED hockey, and they went to hockey games every weekend. And every Saturday after the games they searched the parking lot, not remembering where they parked their car.

One day Bob decided he had a brilliant idea, and he was going to surprise Joe. That morning when he went to pick up Joe for the game, he was riding on a donkey. Joe looked at him with complete amazement and confusion, but hopped on.

When they reached the gate where they had to pay the parking fee. The officer on duty gave the two a confused look and muttered something to himself.

So Bob and Joe parked the donkey and went into the stadium to watch the game. When it was time to go home, they went out to the donkey.

Before they hopped on, Bob wanted to check to make sure it was their donkey. Although Joe didn’t know how Bob could tell, he let him check.

Bob came back to Joe and said, “Nope, not our donkey.”

“How can you tell?” Joe asked.

“Well,” explained Bob, “on the way into the parking lot I heard the police officer say that our donkey had two assholes on it.”

A certain old colonel named Randy,
One morning awoke with a dandy.
He said to his aide,
“Go fetch me a maid,
Or a goat, or just anything handy.”

Mom took little johnny to the doctor for lacerations on his penis.

Doc. said, how did such a thing happen? Johnny said, “It’s that damn neighbor girl, Suzy. Her braces are too darned sharp.”