Archive for January 22nd, 2007

snakes on the nude beach

Monday, January 22nd, 2007 | Posted in Funny Stories
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Two friends are lying on the nude beach, suddenly a snake comes by, and takes a bite of one guy’s dick.

His friend runs to the nearest emergency post, and tells the whole story.

The girl of the emergency post says:
“You’ll have to suck the poison out, otherwise your friend will be dead in 15 minutes.”

He runs back as fast as he can. His friend is still lying there, and as soon as he see the friend he asks: “What did they say?”

The friend answers: “You will be dead in 15 minutes.”

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  • Blonds

    Monday, January 22nd, 2007 | Posted in Blonde
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    What does a good basketball team and a bad basketball team have in common with a blonde?

    They all score.

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  • The Recovered Sofa

    Monday, January 22nd, 2007 | Posted in Funny Stories
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    Maybe you can assist me with a problem which I’m having with a friend. She owns a used furniture store, and a few weeks ago the store was burglarized. The only thing taken was a big, beautiful, high-back fabric sofa, valued at over $1,000.

    My friend was devastated, as it was the finest used item in the entire store. Police speculate that it was the only item stolen, simply because the thieves were not able to carry anything else out the door, in such a short period of time.

    Recently, while speaking to me on the telephone, my friend brought up the subject of the sofa and noted that it had been recovered. After I finished my conversation with her, I telephoned the police detective who had been investigating the theft and said, “Did you know that her sofa had been recovered?”

    The detective was glad that it had, but angry with my friend for not informing him about that. He thanked me for my call.

    A few days later, my friend called me up and started yelling at me and cursing me. I asked what was making her so angry, and she told me that the detective was no longer searching for her sofa. I told her that there was no need to continue to look for it, since she told me that it had been recovered.

    She exploded and yelled, “Oh yeah? So a recovered sofa isn’t worth searching for anymore?”

    “Well,” I replied, “if it is recovered, why bother?”

    “That sofa, I’ll have you know, is worth over $1,000! The fact that it’s recovered, should make no difference!,” she screamed.

    “Look, all I did was call the detective and tell him that it was recovered, just like you told me. I think it is perfectly logical to discontinue searching for something, after the owner has informed you that it was recovered.”

    At that, she screamed that she never wanted to see me in her used furniture store ever again, then hung up on me. I’m very sad, because I’ve lost a very good friend, and I don’t know why.

    Personally, I think it’s pretty stupid of my former friend to expect the police to continue searching for a recovered sofa, don’t you?

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  • Siamese Twins

    Monday, January 22nd, 2007 | Posted in Gay, Religious
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    One sunny Tuesday afternoon, in a bar in Normandy, France, a Barman notices two guys sitting in the corner leaning on each other. The Barman, feelng a bit homophobic, goes over to these two and says,
    “I’m sorry, but we don’t accept gay people in this bar! There is a lovely gay bar down the road if you are interested!”

    The couple look angry and one replies,
    “I’m sorry to tell you, but we are not gay! We are in fact Siamese twins who are joined at the shoulder!”

    The barmen looks aghast, and says,
    “I am sooooooo sorry! Let me give you anything you want! I have the best wine cellar in France, take a couple of my finest cases! Free of charge!”

    One of the twins replies,

    “I’m sorry, but neither me or my brother like wine! We’d just prefer a nice soft drink now and again!”

    The barman, a bit disappointed with the twins says,
    “Well, you must have come to taste the fabulous French Bistro! Why dont you let me rustle up a fabulous 7 course meal tonight, on me!”

    The other twin decides to speak and says,
    “I’m sorry, but we don’t like French food that much! We’d just prefer to have fish and chips from our local chippy in Birmingham!”

    The barman is a bit worried now, so says to the twins,
    “Well, what about France’s amazing scenery? I own ten 15 acre fields, why don’t you have one of them for your own personal use?”

    One of the twins reply,
    “I’m sorry, but were not the kinda people who go out and savour the countryside. We’d much rather stay in and watch the English footie on a Sunday afternoon!”

    So the French barman looks at the pair in disbelief! He says,

    “O.K., so you don’t like the French wine, you don’t like the french bistro and you don’t like our countryside! What do you come on holiday in France for?”

    The twin on the right says,
    “It’s the only chance that my twin brother gets the chance to drive!”

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  • Needs Sleep

    Monday, January 22nd, 2007 | Posted in Funny Stories
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    Exhausted from driving, the traveling salesman stopped in this one town and pulled over to get an hour or two of sleep. But, as luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be one of the streets that the majority of the town’s people used to take their daily run.

    The salesman had barely pulled over and gotten comfortable when a jogger was knocking on his window, asking, “Excuse me, but do you have the time?”

    The man looked at the car clock and answered, “8:15.”

    The jogger said thanks and left.

    The man settled back again and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger. “Excuse me, Sir, do you have the time?”

    “8:25!”

    The said thanks and left. By now the man could see other joggers passing by, and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one would be disturbing him. Hoping to solve his problem, he took out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, “I do not know the time!”

    Again he settled back to sleep and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window.

    “Sir, Sir? It’s 8:45!”

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  • Polite Virus

    Monday, January 22nd, 2007 | Posted in Funny Stories
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    HONOR SYSTEM VIRUS:

    This virus works on the honor system.

    Please delete all the files on your hard disk, then forward this message to everyone you know.

    Thank you for your cooperation.

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