Jokes News

The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress, and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased… what an honest man he was and what a loving husband and kind father he was.

Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, “Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that’s your pa.”

A mother mouse and a baby mouse are walking along when, all of a sudden, a cat attacks them. The mother mouse goes, “BARK!!” and the cat runs away.

“See?” says the mother mouse to her baby, “how important it is for you to learn a foreign language?”

You might be a redneck if:

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table…. in front of her kids.

Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.

You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniels makes your list of “Most Admired People.”

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, “Hey, y’all watch this!”

You’ve got more than one brother named ‘Darryl.’

You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, “Gentlemen, start your engines.”

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

You had to remove the toothpick for your wedding pictures.

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

You have to go outside to get something out of the ‘fridge.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Ya can’t get married to yer sweetheart ’cause there’s a law against it.

You dated one of your parents’ current spouses in high school.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your school fight song is “Dueling Banjos.”

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

One day, a wealthy business man went with his family on a vacation in the Caribbean, they went to a nude beach.

The business man’s 3 year old son asks him, ‘Dad, why do some men have long danglers and the rest short ones?’

The boy’s father replies, ‘You see son, the richer a man is, the longer his dangler.’

The kid says,’ Oh, now I get it, thanx dad!’ and the issue is closed.

Later on, the kid and his mom go for a walk on the beach while dad takes a nap, half an hour later, he comes back and wakes his dad.

His dad asks him, ‘What’s the matter son?’
His son says, ‘You won’t believe this dad, while me and mom were playing in the water, a poor man came and started talking to mom, and I could actually see the man getting richer and richer, so mom went with him!!!’