Jokes News

Q:What game do they play in the White House.

A:Swallow the leader.

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers.

The first boy says, “My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him $50.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, and they give him $100.”

The third boy says, “I got you both beat. My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. It takes eight people to collect all the money!”

1.You will never be disappointed by what’s under the wrapper.
2.Chocolate never gets tired.
3.Chocolate ALWAYS satisfies.
4.Chocolate makes you feel better during PMS.
5.Chocolate is always there when you need it.

A horse walked into a bar. The horse ordered a drink, and then the bartender said, “Why the long face?”…

Q.How did the blonde break her arm raking leaves?

A.She fell out of the tree.

Larry’s barn burned down and his wife, Patti, called the insurance company.

Patti spoke to the insurance agent and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money.”

The agent replied, “Whoa, there, just a minute! Insurance doesn’t work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we’ll provide you with a new barn of similar worth.”

There was a long pause, and then Patti replied, “If that’s how it works, then I want to cancel the life insurance policy on my husband.”

what do you call a blonde with two brain cells? ans: pregnant!

Mr. Jones, returning from a business trip, was surprised to find his wife in bed with a strange man. Both were nude and looked like they had been doing a lot of hard screwing.

“Why, you rotten bastard!” the husband exploded with rage as he grabbed his wife’s lover by the neck.

“Wait darling,” said Mrs. Jones. “You know that fur coat I got last winter? This man gave it to me. Remember the diamond necklace you like so much? This man gave it to me. And remember when you couldn’t afford a second car and I got a Toyota? This man gave it to me.”

“For heaven’s sake, it’s drafty here!” shouted the husband as he released his grip on his wife’s lover, “cover him so he doesn’t catch cold!”

Once upon a time, two brooms fell in love and decided to get married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom informed the groom broom that she was expecting a little whisk-broom. The groom broom was aghast!

“How is this possible?” he asked. “We’ve never swept together!”

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later: “Da-ad”….

“What?”

“I’m thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?”

“No. You had your chance. Lights out.”

Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad….”

“WHAT?”

“I’m THIRSTY…Can I have a drink of water??”

“I told you NO! If you ask again, I’ll have to spank you!!”

Five minutes later…

“Daaa-aaaad”…

“WHAT??!!”

“When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?”