Archive for January 13th, 2007

180 Days

Saturday, January 13th, 2007 | Posted in Blonde
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Two blondes walk into a bar. They sit down order drinks and start chanting 180 days 180 days.

A couple minutes later two more blondes walk into the bar sit down and order drinks. then they start chanting 180 days 180 days.

The bartender asks whats this 180 days? One blonde says we did a puzzle and the box said 3 years and up and we did it in 180 days.

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    Saturday, January 13th, 2007 | Posted in Funny Stories
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    Found in college library bathroom:

    Here I sit
    Broken hearted,
    Came to shit
    But only farted.

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  • Christmas

    Saturday, January 13th, 2007 | Posted in Little Johnny
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    A young boy is riding his new bike down the street on Christmas morning. A polieman on a horse says to the boy, “Did Santa bring you that bike?” The boy says,”Yes he did.” the officer then pulls out a ticket and says to the boy, ” Next time tell Santa to put reflectors on that bike.” He then gives the boy the ticket. The boy asks the cop, “Did santa bring you that horse?” going along with the child the officer replies, ” Yes he did.” The boy then says, “Next time tell santa to put the dick under the horse instead of on top.”

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    Saturday, January 13th, 2007 | Posted in Man and Woman
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    A woman screecher in the driveway got out of the car ran into the house and shouted at the top of her lungs, “I’ve won the lottery!”.

    She then looked over at her hausband and shouted, “Pack your bags.” Her hausband said, “Thats brilliant will I pack for mountains or beaches?” “I don’t care” said his wife, ” Just get the fuck out!”

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  • A Blonde goes Camping

    Saturday, January 13th, 2007 | Posted in Blonde
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    There were these two blonde campers camping in the woods and one of them said:

    “I have got to go to shit.”

    The other said, “Go in the woods.”

    The first said, “I don’t have anything to wipe with.”

    “Use a dollar”

    Well he came back with shit all over his hands and the other one asked, “What happened to you?”

    He replied, “It is hard to wipe with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel.”

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  • 9 WAYS *NOT* TO START A POLICE REPORT

    Saturday, January 13th, 2007 | Posted in Funny Stories
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    1. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…

    2. The names contained in this report have been changed to protect the innocent…

    3. The mayor then made an illegal left hand turn onto Mulraney at which point I opened fire…

    4. Before I get into the details, I’ve got a few “shout-outs” for my homeys in the command staff…

    5. It was so dark and wet that night you could almost eat the mist. The radio call penetrated the eerie silence with such piercing intensity that for a moment, I was sure I’d lost my mind…

    6. Got call. Responded. Arrested bad guy. The end.

    7. Mye pertnar an eye wher on petrol wen we seen a man act suspishushly…

    8. The suspect then tried to assualt me by repeatedly slamming his face into my fist…

    9. A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

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    Saturday, January 13th, 2007 | Posted in Dirty Adult, Gay, Questions Answers
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    Q. Billy Graham and a douche?

    A. Billy Graham fills your soul with hope.

    Q. A straight rodeo and a gay rodeo?

    A. At the straight rodeo the cowboys yell, “Ride those suckers!”

    Q. An epileptic oyster shucker and a whore with diarrhea?

    A. The epileptic oyster shucker shucks between fits.

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  • Black or Blue?

    Saturday, January 13th, 2007 | Posted in Jewish
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    Julius and Irving, two very religious Jewish men, visited Marcus Pinkus the tailor to have new black suits made. When they went to pick up the suits, Julius looked at his suit very carefully; held it up to the light, walked over to the window and examined it more carefully and then proclaimed, “Marcus, this suit is navy blue. It’s not black!”

    “Trust me,” said Marcus, “it’s black!”

    “Irving, what do you think? Blue, or black?” asked Julius.

    “To tell you the truth,” said Irving, “I couldn’t really tell you from this light if it’s blue or black.”

    They left wearing their new suits and while walking down the street kept examining each other’s suit to see if it was blue or black. Then they spotted two nuns standing on the corner and decided to go stand next to them. They knew their habits would be black and this way they could be sure.

    Well, later that afternoon, the two nuns returned to the convent and visited with Mother Superior to discuss their day in the city. “A very strange thing occurred,” reported one of the nuns. “Two Jewish men approached us on the street and they were speaking Latin!”

    “Latin?” exclaimed Mother Superior. “Jewish men don’t speak Latin; they speak Hebrew!”

    “No,” said the other nun. “It was definitely Latin!”

    “Well, what did they say exactly?” asked the Mother Superior.

    “I’m not really sure,” said one of the nuns. “They just kept repeating the same Latin phrase, “Marcus Pinkus Fuctus!”

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  • Hidden Meanings

    Saturday, January 13th, 2007 | Posted in Funny Stories
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    Dear Dad,

    $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and
    $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can`t
    think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can
    ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

    Love,
    Your $on

    The Reply:
    ———-
    Dear Son,

    I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy
    are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do
    NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble
    task, and you can never study eNOugh.

    Love,
    Dad

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