Jokes News

This blonde receptionist is at work when the phone rings. The manager sees all this and thinks nothing of it until she starts sobbing and crying her pretty blue eyes out.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?!” her boss frantically asked.

“That was my father, my mother just passed away last night,” she sobbed.

“Gee whiz Buffy, that’s too bad. Would you like the rest of the day off to grieve?”

“No, I’ll be alright, I just need to stay busy and keep my mind off of things for a while and I’ll be ok.”

“Okay, well, suit yourself,” the concerned boss replied.

Not fifteen minutes later, the phone rings again and the boss thinks nothing of it, until he hears her weeping again. He came running back into her office, trying to console her and asked her “What’s wrong now?”

“That was my sister on the phone… her mom’s dead too!!”

A guy goes to a costume shop and says “I’m going to a costume party as Adam and I need a fig leaf.”

The girl brings out a fig leaf. He says, “Not big enough.” She brings out a bigger one.

He says, “Still not big enough.”

She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, “Still not big enough.”

She says, “Listen, Ace, why don’t you just throw it over your shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?”

Three men were drinking at a bar — a doctor, an attorney and a biker. As the doctor was drinking his white wine he said, “For her birthday I’m going to buy my wife a fur coat and a diamond ring. This way if she doesn’t like the fur coat she will still love me because she got a diamond ring.”

As the attorney was drinking his martini he said, “For my wife’s birthday I’m going to buy her a designer dress and a gold bracelet. This way if she doesn’t like the dress she will still love me because she got the gold bracelet.”

As the biker was drinking his shots of whiskey he
said, “I’m going to buy my wife a T-shirt and a vibrator. This way if she doesn’t like the T-shirt she can go fuck herself!”

A busty, young, gorgeous blonde was trying on an EXTREMELY low cut dress.

As she studied herself in the mirror, she asked the sales lady if she thought it was too low cut.

“Do you have hair on your chest?”

“No, of course not, what a stupid question!!!”

“Then it’s too low cut.”

Hiss & POPA guy is going on a tour of a factory that produces various latex
products. At the first stop, he is shown the machine that manufactures
baby-bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud “hiss-pop” noise.
“The hiss is the rubber being injected into the mold,” explains the
guide. “The popping sound is the needle poking a hole in the end of thenipple.”
Later, the tour reaches the part of the factory where condoms are
manufactured. The machine makes a “Hiss. Hiss. Hiss. Hiss-pop” noise.
“Wait a minute!” says the man taking the tour. “I understand what the
‘hiss, hiss,’ is, but what’s that ‘pop’ every so often?”
“Oh, it’s just the same as in the baby-bottle nipple machine,” says the
guide. It pokes a hole in every fourth condom.”
“Well, that can’t be good for the condoms!”
“Yeah, but it’s great for the baby-bottle nipple business!”

There is a new virus going around, called “work.” If you receive any sort of “work” at all, whether via e-mail, internet or simply handed to you by a colleague…DO NOT OPEN IT.

This has been circulating around our building for months and those who have been tempted to open “work” or even look at “work,” have found that their social life is deleted and their brain ceases to function properly.

If you do encounter “work” via e-mail or are faced with any “work” at all, then to purge the virus, send an e-mail to your boss with the words “I’ve had enough of your crap! I’m off to the pub.” The “work” should automatically be forgotten by your brain.

If you receive “work” in paper-document form, simply lift the document and drag the “work” to your garbage can. Put on your hat and coat and skip to the nearest bar with two friends and order three pints of beer (or rum punch). After repeating this action 14 times, you will find that “work” will no longer be of any relevance to you and that “Scooby Doo” was the greatest cartoon ever.

Send this message to everyone in your address book. If you do NOT have anyone in your address book, then I’m afraid the “work” virus has already corrupted your life.

A little boy walks into his parents’ room while they are having sex and says, “Daddy, Daddy, what are you doing to Mommy?!”

The father, taken by surprise, says, “Son, I’m making you a baby brother.” The boy is overjoyed by this and returns to bed happy at the prospect of having a baby brother.

The next day the father comes home from work to see his son crying on the porch. The father runs over to the boy and says, “Son, what’s the matter?”

The boy says, “Daddy, do you know that baby brother you were making me last night?”

The father replies, “Yes I do.”

“Well, Dad, the mailman ate him this morning !!!”

Why do mexicans coock tamales on christmas eve? so they have some thing to unwrap on christmas!!!!!

Why do all mexicans buy cabage patch kids? for the birth certificates!!!