Archive for January 1st, 2007

Yankee Doodle

Monday, January 1st, 2007 | Posted in Questions Answers
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
Loading ... Loading ...

Q: What’s the definition of a yankee?

A: It’s like a quickie but you’re by yourself.

Tags: ,

Related articles:

  • Grammar
  • Yankee Dates Southerner
  • Clinton at the Diner
  • Blond Quickie
  • Clinton's song

  • What Todd did

    Monday, January 1st, 2007 | Posted in Funny Stories
    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
    Loading ... Loading ...

    Say this joke out loud till you understand it.

    I am we Todd did.
    I am sofa king we Todd did.

    Tags: ,

    Related articles:

  • Try it!
  • say this to yourself
  • Sexual Sofa
  • The History of F
  • The Recovered Sofa

  • Another Hungover Sunday at Church

    Monday, January 1st, 2007 | Posted in Religious
    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
    Loading ... Loading ...

    Tom’s best friend wakes him up on sunday morning after a long night of partying and drags him to church. Despite Tom’s pleas for sleep his friend forces him to sit through the entire sermon.

    As the priest begins his sermon Tom drifts asleep. The priest asks the church, “Why are we gathered here this morning?” At that very moment Tom’s friend, noticing Tom is asleep, jabs a pencil into Tom’s leg. Tom jumps up and screams “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!”

    “Correct!” answers the priest. “And who is that God we have come to worship?”

    Tom’s friend notices that Tom has again drifted off into a somber and stabs his leg with the pencil again. “JESUS CHRIST!!!” Tom shouts.

    “Correct, my son,” replies the priest. The sermon continues and the priest begins to preach about man’s creation. Tom falls back to sleep as the priest asks his audience, “What did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their seventh child?”

    Tom’s friend immediately stabs Tom again;
    “DAMNIT IF YOU STICK THAT FUCKING THING INTO ME ONE MORE TIME I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL KILL YOU!” Tom cries.

    Tags: , , , ,

    Related articles:

  • Little Johnny in Sunday School
  • Adam & Eve
  • Cost of a Sermon
  • falling asleep in church...
  • The Vodka-drinking Priest

  • Free Haircut

    Monday, January 1st, 2007 | Posted in Politics
    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
    Loading ... Loading ...

    A priest went into a Washington, D.C. barbershop and got his hair cut. He then asked asked how much he owed the barber. “No charge, Father,” the barber said. “I consider it a service to the Lord.” when the barber arrived at his shop the next morning, he found a dozen small prayer booklets on the stoop along with a thank you note from the priest.

    A few days later, a police officer came in. “How much do I owe you?” the cop asked after his haircut. “No charge, officer,” the barber answered. “I consider it a service to my community.” The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts on the stoop along with a thank you note from the police officer.

    A few days after that, a Senator walked in for a haircut. “How much do I owe you?” he asked afterward. “No charge,” the barber replied. “I consider it a service to my country.” The next morning when he arrived at the shop, the barber found a dozen Senators waiting on the stoop.

    Tags: , , , ,

    Related articles:

  • The Barber
  • The Barber Shop
  • The Elephant Escaped!
  • What NOT to Say to a Police Officer
  • What NOT to say to a Police Officer

  • your momma

    Monday, January 1st, 2007 | Posted in Yo Mama
    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
    Loading ... Loading ...

    Your momas so nasty that when she does the splits she gets stuck to the floor

    Tags: , ,

    Related articles:

  • yo momma
  • your momma
  • Yo Momma so fat
  • so damn dumb2
  • yo mama

  • Lawyers

    Monday, January 1st, 2007 | Posted in Lawyer
    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
    Loading ... Loading ...

    A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car
    came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely.

    When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was
    complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

    “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!!!”,
    he whined.

    “You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!”
    retorted the officer. “You’re so worried about your stupid
    BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was
    ripped off!!!”

    “Oh my gaaaad…”, replied the lawyer, finally noticing the
    bloody left shoulder where his arm once was.

    “Where’s my Rolex???!!!!”

    Tags: , , , ,

    Related articles:

  • Amish accident
  • BMWs AND COWBOYS
  • Anti-Lawyer Q & A's (A Baker's Dozen)
  • Aesop's Fable - 2000
  • Lawyer Jokes

  • Is That Fiddle Loaded?

    Monday, January 1st, 2007 | Posted in Funny Stories
    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
    Loading ... Loading ...

    Jack Benny was invited to visit the White House. A guard stopped him and asked what he had in the violin case he was carrying.

    “A machine gun,” said Benny solemnly.

    With the same solemnity, the guard said, “Oh, okay, enter. I was afraid for a moment that it was your violin.”

    Tags: , , , ,

    Related articles:

  • Good Question
  • Kenny G.
  • COPS
  • Jack and Jill Went Up The Hill ...
  • The Golden Fiddle

  • Football Math

    Monday, January 1st, 2007 | Posted in Funny Stories
    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (1 votes, average: 5 out of 5)
    Loading ... Loading ...

    A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, “I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we really need you in there. So, what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play.”

    The player agreed, so the coach looked into his eyes intently and asked, “Okay, now concentrate hard and tell me the answer to this: What is two plus two?”

    The player thought for a moment and then answered, “4?”

    “Did you say 4?” the coach exclaimed, excited that he had given the right answer.

    Suddenly, all the other players on the team began screaming, “Come on coach, give him another chance!”

    Tags: , , , ,

    Related articles:

  • By Golly, He's Right!!!
  • Did They Really Say That?
  • Football Players Ain't So Dumb!
  • Understanding the Game
  • Pass the ball

  • Signs it’s Time to Stop Breastfeeding!

    Monday, January 1st, 2007 | Posted in Funny Stories
    1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (No Ratings Yet)
    Loading ... Loading ...

    10. Child can now open your blouse by himself.

    9. The kid starts burping up silicone.

    8. Child has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue.

    7. The little one keeps slipping dollar bills in your belt.

    6. Child demands that you express for his cafe latte.

    5. Your birth control pills interfere with his acne medicine.

    4. After each session, you both have a smoke.

    3. Child invites his friends over for dinner.

    2. You feel an uncontrollable urge to hear”Dueling Banjos.”

    1. Beard abrasions on boobs.

    Tags: , , , ,

    Related articles:

  • 10 ways to know if your kid is too old for your milk
  • They help her sleep
  • Acne and priests
  • Bad Acne
  • Birth control candy