Jokes News

There was a man and his horse, and they went into a cave with only one way in or out, the front way they came in. The horse kicked the wall and the rocks fell and left them trapped inside. There was only the man, the horse, and a knife on the man’s hip. How did they get out?

The man cuts the horse in half with the knife and two halves make a whole so there was a hole after all !!!!!!!=)=)=)=)=(

Q: How are eskimos and zip-lock bags alike?

A: They both like tight seals!

A cardiologist came up with a new operating procedure that would cut down the time that heart surgery would take and would cause less trauma to the patient. He was praised by his peers when he presented it at a convention in
Washington D.C. He was also paid $50,000 to present his find.

He did a couple more of these presentations and realized that it would be more lucrative to do lectures on his find than to work as a surgeon. So he decided to do the lectures full-time. He hired a driver and purchased a limousine.

One day, after he’d been doing the lecture circuit for about 6 months, his driver turns to him and says, “You know…. This is completely unfair.”

“What do you mean?” asks the surgeon.

“Well, you get paid $50,000 every time you do this lecture and that’s more than I get paid in a year,” replies the driver.

The surgeon explains to him that it is a very complicated procedure and that he is the only person that can give this lecture.

“That’s not true. I can do your lecture blindfolded. I have seen you do your lecture so many times that I know it by heart,” says the driver.

“Well if that’s the case, I’ll tell you what. You do this lecture and you can keep the $50,000 if you do it right.” replies the surgeon.

The driver replies, “Ok. You’re on.”

So when they arrive at the lecture hall, the surgeon and the driver change coats and the surgeon puts on the driver’s hat and sits in the back of the room.

The driver nails the presentation. Not only that, he also answers all the questions without any problems. Just when the driver thinks he’s done, an audience member, wearing a lab coat and tape covered glasses stands up and asks a complex question that the driver is not able to answer.

“You know…” says the driver, “I have done this lecture 287 times and I have never been asked such a stupid question. As a matter of fact, that question is SO stupid that I am going to let my driver answer it!”

One day a skunk is walking by a pond, and hears someone crying.
He turns around and there’s a duck.
He asks”Why are you crying?”
The duck replies, “I have no idea what animal I am!”
The skunk says, ” I’ll help you figure out what animal you are.”
The duck thanks him.
So the skunk says, “Well…you look like a duck, you waddle like a duck, and you quack like a duck…sooo you must be a duck!”
The duck thanks the skunk and both walk their sepparate ways.
The the duck turns around because he hears the skunk start crying.
The duck asks, “Now why are YOU crying?”
The skunk says, ” I have no idea what animal I am either.”
The duck replies, “I’ll help you then.”
So the duck says, “Well, you’re not really white but not really black either and you smell like shit! So you must be a cuban.”