Jokes News

These two fat old ladies were sitting in the back of the bus.

One lady said, “Man my butt is asleep!”

The other lady said ” yeah I heard it snoring!!”

Your mamas so old,

She invented life.

What do poker and sex have in common?

If you don’t have a partner, you better have a pretty good hand!

Sign on an electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”

Sign in a nonsmoking area: “If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and will take appropriate action.”

Sign on a fence: “All salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.”

While Debbie is having last-minute discussions with the caterer for her wedding reception, she takes her mother aside and asks her to buy a long lacy black negligee, and to pack it carefully in her suitcase for the honeymoon trip to follow.

Unfortunately, Mom has so many other arrangements to take care of that she forgets Debbie’s specific requests, buys a short pink nightie, and throws it into the suitcase.

Because Debbie and her bridegroom Donald have not been intimate, as they prepare for the wedding night in their hotel room Debbie takes her suitcase into the bathroom to change. Donald, also shy, is grateful.

Expecting to find her long black negligee, she finds only the crushed nightie in her suitcase. “Oh, NO!” she exclaims. “It’s short, pink, and wrinkled!!!”

“How can you see me through the door?” cries Donald.

At this business office a male co-worker told this female co-worker “Nice Hair”, So the outraged woman went in to her manager’s office and said “I want to sue what’s his name for sexual harrassment”

The manager asked her, “Why do you want to sue him for sexual harrassment?”

The woman said, “Because he said to me, ‘YOU HAVE NICE HAIR’”

The manager looked at her and asked her, “How can that possibly be considered sexual harassment?”

The woman replied, “He’s a midgit!”

Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives.

Two fellows, who had been rivals all their lives, followed different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, and the other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop.

As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the airport.

The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly, “OH, SKYCAP, FROM WHAT PIER IS THE FLIGHT TO DALLAS LEAVING?”

The Admiral approached, bowed, and said, “Pier 7, Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition?”

How could you give more freedom to a woman?

Make the kitchen bigger.

Little Sally came home from school and told her mother that she learned how to make babies.

The mother asked her, “Well, tell me Sally, how do you make babies?”

Sally said, “First you get Daddy’s penis hard, then he puts it in Mommy’s mouth.”

Her mother quickly interrupted her and said, “Oh no, honey, that’s how you get jewelry!”

Q: Do you know why most men name their penis?

A: THEY DON’T WANT AN UNKNOWN MAKING 98% OF THEIR DECISIONS FOR THEM.