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"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward

Female Party Goer #1: So somehow we were talking about
doctors and hospitals and all that and I told him about my
breast surgery.

Female Party Goer #2: And?

#1: Well, naturally he asked, "Could I just SEE 'em?"

#2: And yo

Q:When Does A Blonde Have A Iq Of 2.

A:When She’s Pregnant.

A man comes home from an exhausting day at work, plops down on the couch in front of the television, and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.”
The wife sighs and gets him a beer.
Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it
starts.”
She looks cross, but fetches another beer and slams it down next to him.
He finishes that beer and a few minutes later says, “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute.”
The wife is furious. She yells at him “Is that all you’re going to do tonight? Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob, and furthermore . . .”
The man sighs and says, “It’s started . . “

A taxi driver who hit four parked cars and drove through a department store was being interviewed by police. "You say you lost control of your cab after your passenger tapped you on the shoulder?" "Yes. It scared the bejeebers out of me." "How so?" "I jus

The joke says many when scanned because the number being scanned is too high

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What’s the difference between a woman on the back porch, screaming and bitching, and a dog on the front porch barking and yapping?

The dog shuts up when you bring it inside.

girl: I’d like a triple vanilla ice-cream sundae with chocolate syrup, nuts, and lots of whipped cream.
waiter: is that with a cherry on top?
girl: heavens no! I’m on a diet.

An accountant got out of bed and complained that he had not slept a wink .
“why didn’t you count sheep?” his wife asked
“I did, that is what got me into trouble,” the accountant replied ” I made a mistake during the first hour, and it took me until this morning to correct it.”

baby skunk: Can I have a chemistry set?
mama skunk: What ! and smell up the house.

A door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, and a real mean and tough-looking lady opens the door.

Before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet, exclaiming, “Lady, if this vacuum cleaner doesn’t do wonders cleaning up that bovine manure, I’ll eat them!.”

She turns to him with a smirk on her face and says, “You want ketchup on that?”

The salesman says, “Why do you ask?”

The woman replies, “We just moved in and haven’t got the electricity turned on, yet.”