Three elderly ladies are sitting on a park bench feeding the pigeons. Suddenly, a flasher runs up, stands in front of them and opens his coat, exposing his naked body.

The first elderly lady had a stroke.

The second elderly lady also had a stroke.

But the third elderly lady couldn’t quite reach it.

There is a guy sitting at a bar. After a little bit, an alien walks in and sits next to him. The alien has a few drinks and leans over to the guy and touches him with his finger and says “zap.”

The guy ignores him the first couple of times. After a while though, he starts to get annoyed. First he asks the alien to stop, then starts demanding, then the guy threatens to pull the alien’s pants down in front of everybody.

The alien keeps on “zapping” him. So the guy turns around and pulls his pants down, where he discovers the alien doesn’t have a dick. The guy is pretty confused, so he asks the alien how he has sex if he doesn’t have a dick.

So the alien leans towards him, touches him, and says “zap.”

This is "His" joke-http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhbUh33hyXm1uW3J3UDHMLnsy6IX?qid=20061017072331AAATXTG Which was posted 9 hours ago And here is mine http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Apl1zViLMfCGbHPswb5bh1fsy6IX?qid=200610160039

Q: Why do brides wear white?

A: So the dishwasher matches the fridge and the stove.

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in the cellar, and my wife insisted I empty the contents of each bottle down the sink, or else.

After careful consideration, I reluctantly agreed and finally proceeded with the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

Then, I withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink, which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank.

I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass.

I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then, I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank.

I’m not under the affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I’m not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don’t know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.