Q: What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?

A: A cat has claws at the end of its paws, but a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.

Grandma and Grandpa were in the doctor’s office one day.

After a brief check-up, the doctor said, “You know Grandpa, you’re 98, your wife is 96, tell me …. after this many years of marriage do you two still have mutual climax?”

Grandpa said, “I don’t know, I’ll have to ask grandma.”

He yelled to his wife, “Grandma do we still have mutual climax?”

Grandma said, “Listen, old man, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times — we’ve got Blue Shield!”

Here's two I've been telling since my daughter was little: Q) What's Humpty-Dumpty's wife's name? Hint: It's not Mrs. Dumpty, either. Q) What do you call a whale off the coast of New England? I'll let you readers roll these around a bit before I tell you

A thousand years ago in Rome a Christian man was being chased by a lion around an arena. The man cried out to God, “Dear God, please fill this lion with the spirit of Christianity.” Immediately the lion fell to his knees, and prayed, “For what I am about to receive, may the Lord make me truly thankful.”

We know about ambulance-chasing lawyers, but there’s also big money in splitsville.

There was shifty-eyed guy at the post office methodically licking “Love” stamps and placing them on a pile of bright pink envelopes with hearts all over. After all were stamped, the man took out a perfume bottle and sprayed each envelope.

A curious bystander asked: “What are you doing?”

“I’m sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, ‘Guess who?’” said the fellow at the counter.

“But why?”

“I’m a divorce lawyer.”