Jokes News

If an infinite number of rednecks, riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks, fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world’s great literary works in Braille.

The room was full of pregnant women and their partners, and the Lamaze class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly, along with informing the men how to give the necessary assurances at this stage of the plan.

The teacher then announced, “Ladies, exercise is GOOD for you! Walking is especially beneficial. And, Gentlemen, it wouldn’t hurt YOU to take the time to go walking with your partner!”

The room really got quiet. Finally, a man in the middle of the group raised his hand.

“Yes?” replied the teacher.

“Is it all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?”

Why didn’t Rover bark?

Because he was a fish.

Akbar and Abu are talking about their children. So Akbar shows Abu a picture of his 1st born." This was Mahmoud, He is a martyr." He shows another picture. "And this is Mohammed. He too is a martyr." And another. "And this was our youngest Yassir. He also

There were three men standing at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, where Saint Peter met them and asked, “What would each of you like to hear your relatives or friends say at your funeral?”

The first man answered, “I am a renowned doctor and I would love to hear someone say how I had been instrumental in saving someone’s life and gave them a second chance.”

The second man replied, “I am a family man and a school teacher, I would like to hear some say what a great husband and father I was, and that I had been made a difference in some young person’s life.”

The third man replied, “Wow guys, those are really great things, but I guess if I had my choice, I would rather hear someone say, “LOOK!!! HE’S MOVING!!!”

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise.

“Hey Willis!!” the farmer yelled. “Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I’ll help you get the wagon up.”

“That’s mighty nice of you, ” Willis answered, “but I don’t think Pa would like me to.”

“Aw, come on,” the farmer insisted.

“Well okay,” the boy finally agreed, and added, “But Pa won’t like it.”

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. “I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.”

“Don’t be foolish !” the neighbor said with a smile. “By the way, where is he?”

“Under the wagon.”

Bill Clinton and his driver were cruising along a country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly.

Bill told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened.

About 1 hour later Bill sees his driver staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.

“What happened to you?” asked Bill.

“Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 19-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me.”

“My God, what did you tell them?” asked Bill.

The driver replied, “I’m Bill Clinton’s driver, and I just killed the pig.”

Joe and John, two men of the same age and qualifications, are planning on taking the same exact test in order to qualify for a job. They both sit down to take the test and when they have completed the test they each await patiently for the results. The owners of the company come up to Joe and tell him that he did not get the job, but John did.

“Why?” asked Joe, “We both had the same qualifications!”

“Well…” replied the owners, “we decided not to judge who got the job by how many questions you got right but by what answer you put for each. On the second question, he wrote ‘I don’t know’ and you put ‘Neither do I’.”

Do Not Tailgate, Or I Will Flick a Booger on your windshield!

The couple are in the bedroom one night and they have just finished making love.

"Honey, did you enjoy the fun we just had?", he asks.

"Yes, of course, Dear.," She replies. Didn't you hear me laughing?"