Three old men are at the doctor for memory tests. The doctor says to the first old man, “What is three times three?”

“274,” was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?”

“Tuesday,” replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third man, “Okay, your turn. What’s three times three?”

“Nine,” says the third man.

“That’s great!” says the doctor. “How did you get that?”

“Simple,” says the third man. “I subtracted 274 from Tuesday.”

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While at work one day, Bob gets a letter telling him that he has been drafted for the war and has two hours to be at the Air Base to make his plane. Thinking he has only two hours, he speeds home to spend them with his wife.

On the way he gets stopped several times, and therby loses one hour of his time. When he arrives home, he only has five minutes to pack, and so asks his wife if he can have a picture of her pussy.
“Why?” she asks.
“It’s so that I can remember you while I am around all of those foreign women.”

She agrees and takes a Polaroid. She then turns to him and asks the same thing of him.
He replies, “Oh honey, you want to remember me as well?”
“Actually no, I just want to enlarge it………

One day a little boy was watching some cows in a field. There was a brown cow, a white cow and a bull. After a few mintues the boy runs into the house where his home is.

“Mommy, the bull is fucking the brown cow!” the boy says

“Now Billy, that is not what we say, we say the bull surprised the brown cow.”

The little boy leaves and then comes back a little while later.

“Mommy, mommy!” the boys cries

“I know what you are going to say, the bull surprised the white cow.”

“He sure did. He is fucking the brown cow again!”

What does P.M.S. stand for?

Probably Moving to the Sofa