Jokes News

Three old men are at the doctor for memory tests. The doctor says to the first old man, “What is three times three?”

“274,” was his reply.

The doctor says to the second man, “It’s your turn. What is three times three?”

“Tuesday,” replies the second man.

The doctor says to the third man, “Okay, your turn. What’s three times three?”

“Nine,” says the third man.

“That’s great!” says the doctor. “How did you get that?”

“Simple,” says the third man. “I subtracted 274 from Tuesday.”

_{-- Delivered by Feed43 service}

While at work one day, Bob gets a letter telling him that he has been drafted for the war and has two hours to be at the Air Base to make his plane. Thinking he has only two hours, he speeds home to spend them with his wife.

On the way he gets stopped several times, and therby loses one hour of his time. When he arrives home, he only has five minutes to pack, and so asks his wife if he can have a picture of her pussy.
“Why?” she asks.
“It’s so that I can remember you while I am around all of those foreign women.”

She agrees and takes a Polaroid. She then turns to him and asks the same thing of him.
He replies, “Oh honey, you want to remember me as well?”
“Actually no, I just want to enlarge it………

One day a little boy was watching some cows in a field. There was a brown cow, a white cow and a bull. After a few mintues the boy runs into the house where his home is.

“Mommy, the bull is fucking the brown cow!” the boy says

“Now Billy, that is not what we say, we say the bull surprised the brown cow.”

The little boy leaves and then comes back a little while later.

“Mommy, mommy!” the boys cries

“I know what you are going to say, the bull surprised the white cow.”

“He sure did. He is fucking the brown cow again!”

What does P.M.S. stand for?

Probably Moving to the Sofa

One witch told another witch, “I want one of those new computers that has a spell checker.”

Don’t bother inviting the Invisible Man to your Halloween party. He won’t show up. Sometimes he makes excuses, but they’re all transparent.

You don’t have to worry about Daylight Savings Time at Halloween. The holiday is always on Green Witch Mean Time.

Western Union opened an office in a graveyard so the spooks could send and receive cryptograms.

Vampire pick-up line “What’s your type?”

A vampire joined the police force so he could learn the correct way to get a stakeout.

How do canine scavengers in Africa find their way in the dark? They use jackal lanterns.

What kind of monster do you have to look out for at the Laundromat? A washin’ werewolf.

Hank was a not-too-smart kind of guy. Every day when he walked home from work, he would get stopped by three men who would beat him up and steal his money.

Finally, Hank decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a different route and then take up some self-defense classes so this wouldn’t happen again. He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well defending himself.

So, one day, on the way home from work, Hank decided to take his old route home again. Sure enough, those men were still there. He walked up to them, and the battle ensued.

The next afternoon Hank went to his karate class with a black eye, a broken nose and a busted lip. His instructor, shocked, asked him what had happened.

“Well,” explained Hank, “I took my old way home last night so I could beat these guys up who had been stealing my money, but they beat me up before I could get my shoes and socks off!”

A Sardar prays daily for 2 hrs. "Haey Vaheguru meri lottery lagade". After 11yrs. Vaheguru angrily appears and says "Oey ullu de pathay 1 bar ticket tu lailey".

My wife was angry at me yesterday when I told her that her birthday present would be late. The damn Domino’s driver was caught in rush hour traffic.

I’m not sure if there is any truth to this, but it sure was funny.

In anticipation of President Clinton’s visit to Oklahoma City, after tornadoes struck on May 3rd, one homeowner, whose home was destroyed, spray painted on what was left of his home, “HEY BILL, HOW’S THIS FOR A BLOW JOB?!”

Before Clinton came, the Secret Service made him get rid of it.