Jokes News

Why did Barney cross the road?????????????????????????

Because his dick was stuck in the chicken.

Q: What is Bill Clinton’s worst nightmare?

A: An intern with braces! (ewww!)

A lady was exercising her dog in the park. A scumbag on a bicycle came up behind her and grabbed the carrier bag from her hand. Pedaling furiously into the distance with his prize, he was not aware of the lady rolling on the grass in fits of laughter.

Like the good citizen that she was, she had been using the plastic bag to collect her dog’s poop.

oh yea, from reality, and everyday experience http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20060918083226AAPrdJE

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Is it old enough news that we can make fun of it now?

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The teacher asks the classIf there are 3 birds sitting on a fence and the farmer shoots one of em, How many are leftNone miss says little Johnnie, the teacher asks again, again, none miss says little Johnnie, Explain why you think none Johnnie. well , say

How do you drown a blonde?

Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool.

Jones was a contestant on the famous TV show of yesteryear—”The $64,000 Question”—and had chosen for his category of questioning, “Sexual Techniques.”

He had answered all the questions asked, with verve and delicacy, and had finally surmounted the $32,000 hurdle. It was up to him to decide whether to return for the final $64,000 question, and if he decided to do so, he might bring an expert of his own choosing who would be allowed to help him.

Jones did decide to try again, and he brought with him none other than Monsieur Pierre, the great and internationally renowned French expert on all phases of sex and love. The two were placed in the isolation booth so they might not hear any hints thrown out by the audience, and the question was asked: “Suppose, Mr. Jones, you had exactly three kisses to bestow on your loved one, and wished to do it in such a way as to elicit maximum response. Where would you place the first kiss? Where the second kiss? Where the third?

A minute was allowed for consideration while rhythmic, suspenseful music played. Then the master of ceremonies said, “Well, Mr. Jones, where would you place the first kiss?

Without hesitation, Jones said, “On the lips.”

“Correct, sir, and where the second?”

This time Jones considered for a moment. Then, somewhat hesitantly, he said, “On the back of the neck.”

“Correct, sir,” cried the master of ceremonies, while the audience howled with approval. “Now for the third and last part of the question. For $64,000, where would you place the third kiss?”

This time Jones was in trouble. The perspiration stood out on his forehead. He seemed on the point of answering but then turned hastily to his companion. “Monsieur Pierre—” he began.

But the Frenchman shook his head violently. “Do not ask me, my friend. In my mind, I have already been wrong twice.”

Two blondes were driving down the highway to Dallas. They saw a sign that read: “Clean bathrooms every 5 miles”

So they scrubbed the sinks and the stalls every 5 miles for the rest of their trip.

Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor.

“Do you wash?” the doc asked the rank young girl.

“Oh, yes,” Mary answered. “Each morning, I start at my head
and wash down as far as possible. Then, I start at my feet
and wash up as far up as possible.”

“Well, then,” the doc concluded, “go home and wash possible.”