What is the difference between a machine gun and Kenny G?

A Machine Gun only repeats itself 30 times!

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A woman was having an affair when she hears a car pull into the driveway. After looking out of the window she quickly runs to the bathroom and brings out a bottle. She tells that man that her husband is home, but she has a plan. She covers him with talcum powder and advises him to stand in the corner.

The woman’s husband walks into the room and looks at the man. “When did we get that statue? Gosh it looks so life-like!” the husband says. The woman replies, “I was over at the Jones’ last week and they had one so I just had to get one just like it.”

Later that night while they were both asleep the husband got up and went downstairs to the kitchen. As he walked back into the bedroom he handed a plate of food to the statue.

The guy then says, “How did you know?”

To that the husband replies, “I was over at the Jones’s for three weeks and nobody offered me anything.”

Your momma is so stupid, she thought hamburger helper came with another person.

Your so stupid, you think Federal Express is a branch of the government.

Your father is so dumb, he went to an LA Clippers game to get a haircut.

Your mother is so stupid, she thinks Olde Engkish 800 is a college course.

Your mother is so stupid, she tired to drown herself in a car pool.

your mother is so stupid, she put your brother in rehab because he was hooked on phonics.

Two men are walking down the street one day, and they see a dog licking it’s balls.

One man says, “Boy, I wish I could do that!”

And the other one replies, “Don’t you think you ought to pet him first?”