Q. How do you know when your girlfriend is taking steriods??

A. She can fuck you up the arse with her clitoris…

Around the time the Clinton impeachment hearings were under way, I was taking a political science class at a community college. One of our assignments was to prepare a speech on anything related to the presidency.

I’ll never forget when a Japanese student went to the front of the class to deliver his speech:

“My speech today is on the Presidential erection process.” The whole class was cracking up throughout the whole speech because of phrases like “the president’s wife was pleased with the outcome of this year’s erection”, etc.

yo’mama is so nasty, she got fired from her job at the sperm bank … for drinking on the job.

Q: What runs across the floor with no legs?

A: Water!

These are supposedly actual signs. You be the judge. Whether or not they are real, they sure are funny!

In the front yard of a funeral home,
“Drive carefully, we’ll wait.”

On an electrician’s truck,
“Let us remove your shorts.”

Outside a radiator repair shop,
“Best place in town to take a leak.”

In a nonsmoking area,
“If we see you smoking, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

On a maternity room door,
“Push, Push, Push.”

On a front door,
“Everyone on the premises is a vegetarian except the dog.”

At an optometrist’s office,
“If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

On a taxidermist’s window,
“We really know our stuff.”

On a butcher’s window,
“Let me meat your needs.”

On a fence,
“Salesmen welcome. Dog food is expensive.”

At a car dealership,
“The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.”

Outside a muffler shop,
“No appointment necessary. We’ll hear you coming.”

In a dry cleaner’s emporium,
“Drop your pants here.”

On a desk in a reception room,
“We shoot every 3rd salesman, and the 2nd one just left.”

In a veterinarian’s waiting room,
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

In a Beauty Shop,
“Dye now!”

In a restaurant window,
“Don’t stand there and be hungry, come in and get fed up.”

Inside a bowling alley,
“Please be quiet. We need to hear a pin drop.”

In a cafeteria,
“Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Socks can eat any place they want.”