A professor was walking along a very narrow lane when he came face to face with a rival professor. The lane was too narrow for both of them to pass at the same time. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily: “I never make way for fools!”

Smiling, the professor stepped aside and said, “I always do.”

A businesswoman is sitting at a bar. A man approaches her.

“Hi, Honey,” he says. “Want a little company?”

“Why?” asks the woman. “Do you have one to sell?”

There were two Irish women walking down the main street of Belfast when one said to the other, “Don’t you think all those soldiers look stupid wearing camouflage uniforms in the middle of a city?”

The other woman replied, “What soldiers?”

An elderly man in Florida calls his son in New York. The father says to his son, “I hate to tell you, but we’ve got some troubles here in the house. Your mother and I can’t stand each other anymore, and we’re getting a divorce.

I’ve had it! I want to live out the rest of my years in peace. I’m telling you now, so you and your sister shouldn’t go into shock later when I move out.”

He hangs up, and the son immediately calls his sister in the Hamptons and tells her the news. The sister says, “I’ll handle this!”

She calls Florida and says to her father, “Don’t do ANYTHING until we get there! We’ll be there Wednesday night.”

The father agrees. He hangs up the phone and hollers to his wife, “Okay, they’re coming for Thanksgiving. Now, what are we going to tell them for Christmas?”

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