Jokes News

Due to the sudden death of their priest, the St. Luke church was in dire need of a replacement. On this particular Sunday 3 priests were scheduled to give short sermons in front of the church board members, who would choose one for a permanent position.

The church board consisted of Father Kelly, Father Mulcahy and Mother Green…Mother Green had a reputation for being rather picky and hard to please, and even though the priests had never met her they were quite aware of her reputation.

The Board members were sitting next to the pulpit and were quite intimidating..especially Mother Green, who was sitting, legs crossed, glaring at every movement and word uttered.

The third priest, awaiting his turn at the pulpit, nervously turned to the man beside him and said.. “Is that Mother Green?”…and the man replied..”No. that’s just the sun shining through the stained glass window.”

A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill.

“Mommy,” she said, “can we leave now?”

“No,” her mother replied.

“Well, I think I have to throw up!”

“Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush.”

After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.

“Did you throw up?” Mom asked.

“Yes.”

“How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?”

“I didn’t have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, ‘For the Sick’.”

He starts out raw as grapes, and
it’s a woman’s job to stomp on him
and keep him in the dark until he matures into something she’d like to have dinner with.

Yo mama so stupid she sat on the t.v. to watch the couch.

Yo mama breath stank so bad when she exhales her teeth duck.

Yo mama so ugly she make onions cry.

Why does O. J. Simpson’s mom always invite him to
Thanksgiving dinner?

Because he is the only one who can cut white meat.

What is black, grey, black, grey, green?

Two racoons fighting over a pickle.

There is a Irish guy, a Chinese guy, a Russian guy, and a American guy. The guys were sitting around one day disscusing what they like about their country.

The Irish guy says that he likes the green grass of Ireland.

The Chinese guy says that he likes the Great Wall of China.

The Russian guy says that he likes the Russian flag.

The American guy says that he likes the Bald Eagle.

All the other guys looked at the American and asked why he liked the Bald Eagle? The American said, “THE BALD EAGLE CAN SHIT ON THE GREEN GRASS, FLY OVER THE GREAT WALL OF CHINA, AND WIPE HIS ASS ON THE RUSSIAN FLAG! “

George had not been feeling well in the last several days and when the pain finally became totally unbearable, he went to his Doctor.

After considerable poking and prodding and testing the Doctor says grimly, “George, you’re terminal.”

“Oh my God!” exclaims George. “How long do I have?”

The Doctor says “Ten.”

“Ten WHAT?” George screams. “Ten months, ten years…WHAT?”

The Doctor says, “Nine…eight…seven… “

Peter Peter pumpkin eater saw this girl but couldn’t meet her.
Saw her brother one fine day, sucked his dick and now he’s gay.

There were three blondes walking along the beach. While they were walking, they find a geenie. The geenie says that they can each have one wish. The first blonde wishes to be a thousand times smarter, so her hair turns light brown and she becomes a brain surgeon. the secound one wishes to be a million times smarter and her hair gets a really dark brown and she finds a cure for cancer. The third blonde wishes to be a million times dumber, and the geenie turns her into a man.