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Why did the Mexican throw his wife out of the window?

Ta’kill’ha

“Honey,” said this husband to his wife, “I invited a friend home for supper.”

“What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn’t go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don’t feel like cooking a fancy meal!”

“I know all that.”

“Then why did you invite a friend for supper?”

“Because the poor fool’s thinking about getting married.”

One sunny day, Superman is out cruising the skies for crimes in process, but since it seems that all the muggers and rapists have taken the day off, he decides to drop in to see his friend Spiderman.

“Hey, Peter”, says Superman, “Let’s go to Nathan’s for a hotdog.”

“No can do, Supe”, says Spiderman. “My webshooter’s jamming and I have to give it a good cleaning. I almost fell off the Chrysler Building yesterday. Thanks anyway.”

Undaunted, Superman zips over to Gotham to see what Batman is up to. “Hey, Bruce,” says Clark, “Feel like checking out the chicks at the beach?”

“Sorry, Supe”, says Batman. “Robin’s in the bathtub and I told him I’d do his back when he’s ready.”

Determined not to be discouraged, Superman returns to the skies to drop in on The Green Hornet. Flying over a penthouse roof, he suddenly spies Wonder Woman sunbathing totally naked, legs spread, knees bent.

“Great Scot!” thinks Superman. “I bet I could be in and out of her before she knows what happened.” So he zooms down, does her in an instant, and soars up, up and away.

Wonder Woman bolts upright. “What the hell was that?” she says.

“I don’t know,” says The Invisible Man as he slides off her, “but suddenly my ass hurts.”

A bear & rabbit are takin’ a shit in the woods.

The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, “Excuse me, but do you heve trouble with shit sticking to your fur?”

The rabbit replies, “No,I don’t.”

So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

A Scotsman was visiting a friend in the mountains of Canada. The first morning in the cabin, he awoke and stood by the window admiring the scenery. Suddenly, he noticed a huge animal walk by.

“Och, whut’s thaaat?” he said.

His Canadian friend looked out the window and said, “Oh, that’s a moose.”

“Och! If thaaat’s a moose, hoo big are your cats arooond here?”

A man is talking to God and asks him: “God, why did you make women so beautiful?” to which God replies, “So that you would find them attractive.”

Then the man asks: “God, but why did you have to make them so dumb?” To which God replies: “So that they would find you attractive!”

14. Got to Get You Off of My Wife

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11. Can’t Buy Me Love (But Can Rent It by the Hour for 300 Big Ones)

10. Polyurethane Pam Anderson

9. Crackbird

8. Lucy In The Sky With Linus

7. Eleanor Furby

6. All You Need is Drugs

5. Nor-Region Woody

4. She Came in Through the White House Window

3. While My Guitar Gently Fetches £150,000 At Auction

2. I Wanna Hold You, Hans

and Topfive.com’s Number 1 Unpublished Beatles Song…

1. Lay Me, Madonna

President Clinton was at the beach and got into trouble while swimming. He called for help, and three young men went to his rescue and pulled him ashore.

Clinton wanted to show his gratitude, so he offered to give each of the young men what they would like, within reason.

The first young man said that he would like to have a Harley Davidson motorcycle. Clinton told him he could select it and to just send him the bill.

The second young man said he would like an All-Terrain ports vehicle. Again, Clinton told him he would have it.

The third young man declared that he would like a state-of-the-art wheelchair. Clinton was puzzled and asked him why an obviously healthy and athletic young man such as he was would want a wheelchair.

The young man replied that when his dad found out he had helped rescue him, he would break every bone in his body.