Jokes News

A sale representative stops at a small manufacturing plant in North Dakota. He presents a box of cigars to the manager as a gift.

“No, thanks,” says the plant manager. “I tried smoking a cigar once, but I didn’t like it.”

The sales rep shows his display case and then, hoping to clinch a sale, offers to take the manager out for a round of drinks.

“No, thanks,” the plant manager replies. “You know, I tried alcohol once, but didn’t like it.

Then the salesman glances out the office window and sees a golf course.

“I suppose you play golf,” says the salesman. “I’d like to invite you to be a guest at my club.”

“That’s kind of you, but no, thanks,” the manager says. “I played golf once, but I didn’t like it.” Just then a young man enters the office.

“Let me introduce my son, Mike,” says the plant manager.

“Let me guess,” the salesman replies. “An only child?”

A beautiful, buxomy woman carrying a baby paid a visit to the pediatrician. She complained, “Doctor, there must be something wrong with the baby. Instead of gaining weight, he had already lost three ounces since last week.”

The pediatrician placed the baby on the examining table and proceeded to examine him. Then he reached over and squeezed the woman’s breasts. After that, he unbuttoned her blouse, unstrapped her bra and proceeded to suck her nipple powerfully.

“No wonder,” declared the pediatrician. “Your baby is not gaining weight because you don’t have anymore milk to feed him.”

“Of course not!” the woman shrieked. “The baby’s not mine! He’s my sister’s!”

One day a little boy went up to his parents and asked, “What is fucking?”

His parents were completly unprepared for such a question and could not seem to find the words to tell him. Finally the dad gives up and says, “Follow us upstairs and we’ll show you.”

The three of them head up to the bedroom and the dad puts the mom on the bed, takes off her pants, and spreads her legs. He turns to the boy and says, “You see that hole in mommy? Watch this!” and proceeds to screw her. After about thirty min. the boy’s little sister walks in and asks her brother, “What are mommy and daddy doing!?!?”

The little boy replies, “They’re fucking.”

“What’s fucking?” asked the sister.

The boy says, “I’ll show you. You see that hole in daddy? Watch this!”

An Air Force officer and a Navy officer go into a bathroom. They both urinate, and the Air Force guy starts to walk out. The Navy guy says, “You know, in the Navy, they teach us to wash our hans after taking a pis.”
The Air Force guy says, “In the Air Force, they teach us not to pis on our hands.”

why shouldn’t women drive?

Because there is no road between the kitchen and bedroom!

ME: My wife finally had back surgery last week…she’s been having back problems for years…

YOU: Oh?…What’s been the problem?

ME: She hasn’t been spending nearly enough time on it…

Two beavers are eating steaks at a local steak house, when one beaver says, “Hey where are the toothpicks?”

The other beaver screams…
“Toothpicks??? I thought they were appetizers!!!”

Herman is walking up to a doctor’s office when a nun comes running out screaming.

Herman walks in and says, “What’s with the nun?”

The doctor says, “I just told her that she’s pregnant.”

Herman says, “The nun is pregnant?”

The doctor says, “No, but it certainly cured her hiccups.”

Three engineering students were discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, “It had to be a mechanical engineer…look at all the joints.”

The second said, “No, it must have been an electrical engineer…the central nervous system is a miracle of millions of electrical connections.”

The third said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline right through a recreational area?”

The duffer muffed his tee shot into the woods, then hit into a few trees, then proceeded to hit across the fairway into another woods.

Finally, after banging away several more times, he proceeded to hit into a sand trap.

All the while, he’d noticed that the club professional had been watching.

“What club should I use now?” he asked the Pro.

“I don’t know,” the Pro replied. “What game are you playing?”