Jokes News

Your momas teeth so rottin,

When she smile her teeth look likie dice!

What’s the two best things about having Alzhiemer’s disease? You get to hide your own Easter eggs, and you only have to buy one movie!

American Guy is in Paris, gets on a bus, and takes the only empty seat, next to a French guy.

Every now and then the French guy sniffs his fingers and goes “Mon FiFi”. This continues for about half an hour, until the American guy asks the Frenchie, “Hey, why do you keep sniffing your fingers?”

“Me and my girlfriend made sweet passionate love last night and I can smell her on my fingers today *Sniff* Oh, mon FiFi!”

To which the American wipes his nose with his sleeve and says, “Barbra!”

An Irishman is driving down a quiet country road when a policeman drives up behind him and pulls him over.

“Excuse me sir,” the copper says, “I don’t believe that this is your car.”

“I can assure you it is,” Paddy replies.

But the PC still doesn’t believe poor old Paddy, so he gets him out of the car and onto the road. The policeman then proceeds to draw a circle around the Irishman and returns to the car.

“I’m going to hit this car on the bonnet with my baton”, threatens the policeman, “and if you laugh then I know it’s not yours.”

The Irishman agrees and the policeman smashes the shiny red bonnet with his baton. He turns round to see the Irishman giggling. “There. See - it isn’t yours.”

“Yes it is”, says Paddy.

So the policeman turns back to the car and shatters all the windows, only to turn round and find Paddy holding his ribs, pissing himself with laughter.

“Right you’ve got one more chance sonny” warns the copper, and he kicks and beats the car until it is beyond repair. He turns round and is astonished to see Paddy rolling around on the ground absolutely wetting his pants.

“If this is your car”, says the PC,”what the bloody hell is so funny?”

“Well”, replies Paddy, “every time you turned round, I stepped out of the circle!!”

Yo’ Mama is like a Corvette, burns four rubbers a night.

Yo’ Mama is like a hardware store, 5 cents a screw.

Yo’ Mama is like a shotgun, just waitin’ for a cock.

Yo’ Mama is like bubblegum, unlimited blows.

Q: Whats the difference between the titanic and a blonde?

A: Only 1500 people went down on the titanic!

Q.What do you call a blonde with pig tails?

A.A blow job with handles

What do men and bricks have in common?

If you lay them right the first time, you can walk all over them forever.

A man died and went to heaven. At the gate St. Peter was there and he said, “What have you done to enter these gates?”

The man replied, “It was very cold outside just the other day and I gave a bum on the street $.15 for a cup of coffee.”

“Is that all?” St. Peter asked.

“No,” the man said, “Yesterday I gave a lady that had gotten mugged on the street $.10 for the payphone so she could call the police.”

Well St. Peter was thinking for some time and finally he told the man, “You can take your $.25 and go to hell.”