Jokes News

A man walks into a B.P service station and says to the clerk, “Can a B.P!” The clerk looks at him and says, “I dunno but a fish can fart - I know because I’ve seen bubbles come up to the warter!”

Question: What can a bird do that a man can’t?

Answer: Whistle with his pecker.

Q: What do blondes and peanutbutter have in common?

A: They both spread for the bread.

The Mistress….
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Ooh John….OH JOHN… Don’t Stop….Don’t St…

The Hooker…..
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250 Dollars….Damn…250 Dollars….

The Wife……….
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Beige…I Think I’ll Paint the ceiling Beige….

One day this little boy, his mother and grandmother were shopping. The little boy tugged on his mother’s shirt sleeve and said, “I got to go to the bathroom.”

His mother said, “Just a minute, son, and I will take you.”

“NO,” said the little boy, “I want grandma to take me.”

The mother said, “Why in the world do you want your grandma to take you to the bathroom?”

The little boy replied, “BECAUSE HER HANDS SHAKE!!!!!”

A salesman’s car breaks down, so he asks a farmer to let him spend the night. The farmer then tells the salesman, “Well, if you’re not picky, you can spend the night in the barn.” The salesman agrees to do so.

In the middle of the night, the salesman wakes up and is really thirsty, so he decides to get some milk from a cow. Soon, the farmer hears noises coming from the barn and goes to investigate. Upon entering the barn, he then sees the salesman soaking wet and with a white liquid dripping down his face. The farmer asks, “What happened to you?”

The salesman says, “I just got thirsty, so I milked your cow. It was so dark in there I don’t know how I did it. But I’m telling you, that cow has great milk! I must have drank a gallon of it!”

Scratching his head, the farmer then stares at the salesman with a puzzled look and says, “But we don’t have a cow. We just have a bull.”

10. Musical Recliners
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
8. Hide and Go Pee
7. Simon Says Something Incoherent
6. Doc, Doc Goose
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse Says Bend Over
4. Kick the Bucket
3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear
2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy
1. Sag, You’re It!

Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, “You know, eighty percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love.”

“Well,” said the other woman, “that will certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!”

If you pull the wings off of a fly would you call it a walk?