Jokes News

There was a young couple who had driven their car up to a secluded spot that overlooked the city.

They made out and eventually ended up naked in the back seat of the car. It began to rain in sheets. The man said to the lady, “We should probably go before this storm gets too bad.”

They climbed into the front seat and started the car. When he pushed on the gas the tires just spun and the car didn’t go anywhere.

They put some of their clothes under the tires in hopes that the tires might grip.

Still, the car didn’t move. The lady said, “I will run to the nearest house and see if I can get some help.”

“Wait! you don’t have any clothes on.” he said. He handed her a raincoat and a pair of boots.

She took them and ran but didn’t put them on. She came to a small house, went to the door and realized that she didn’t have any free hands to ring the doorbell with. She took the boots and put them between her legs and rang the bell. An old lady came to the door, looked at the naked lady with the boots between her knees and asked, “May I help you miss?”

“Yes,” she said “My husband is stuck!”

“I would have been your dad, but the dog beat me upstairs!”

or

“I would have been your dad, but the other guy had more money.”

Did you hear what they found out from Pres. Clinton’s DNA
testing?

He’s really a Kennedy!

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. “Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt.

When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across safely. He used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters and call in an air strike. They sent in bombers to blow up the bridge, and all the Israelites were saved.”

“Now, Joey, is that REALLY what your teacher taught you?” his mother asked.

“Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!”

Why do men get in more wrecks?

Men are smart enough to not let women drive.

Two little kids in a hospital who were laying next to each other.

The first kid leans over and asks “What are you in here for?”

The second kid says “I’m in here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

The first kid says “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done to me once. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of jello and ice cream. It’s a piece of cake!!!”

The second kid then asks “What are you in here for?”

The first kid replies “Well, I’m here for a circumcision.”

The second kid says “Whoa!! I had that done when I was born. I couldn’t walk for a year!!!

A 90 year old man married a very young woman. Upon staying for 6 months together the wife of this old man conceived.

The old man asked his doctor, “How this could have happened?”

The doctor then said, “Look here, let me tell you a story.”

An absent minded hunter went in the forest hunting; but instead of carrying a gun the fellow carried an umbrella.

He saw a lion running straight at him. The hunter picked up his umbrella and shot the lion. The lion lay dead on the ground.

“Impossible!” exclaimed the old man. “Somebody must have shot from the other side.”

“Exactly!” replied the doctor.

Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. “Oh Marie,” she said to her maid, “I believe my husband is having an affair with his secretary, and I don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t believe it,” snapped Marie. “You’re just saying that to make me jealous.”

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree. The leaf had been pressed in between pages.

“Momma, look what I found”, the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked.

With astonishment in the young boy’s voice he answered: “It’s Adam’s suit!!”