Jokes News

Q. What did Ronald Goldman say to Nicole Simposon at the pearly gates?

A. “Here are your fucking sunglasses!”

As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed up against a gorgeous blonde.

As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, “That will teach you to pinch me!!!”

Bewildered, Mr. Wilson, in shock, was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, “I…I…didn’t pinch that girl.”

“Of course, you didn’t,” said his wife, consolingly. “I did.”

Q: What do hillbillies do on Halloween?

A: pump-kin

Winston Churchill was visiting another country. The first evening there, at the state dinner, he pointed to the chicken entree and said, “May I have some breast, please?”

The hostess raised her eyebrows and curtly responded, “Mr. Churchill, in THIS country, we ask for white meat or dark meat.”

“My apologies, Madam, I was not aware of your customs.”

The following day, a “thank you” gift of a large orchid was delivered to the party’s hostess. The following message was written on the note: “I would be obliged if you would pin this on your white meat.–W. Churchill”

A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work. Her 9-year-old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts
her lover in the closet, with the little boy.

The little boy says, “It sure is dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy - “I have a baseball.”
Man - “That’s nice.”
Boy - “Want to buy it?”
Man - “No, thank you.”
Boy - “My dad’s outside.”
Man - “OK, how much?”
Boy - “$25.00″

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy - “It sure is dark in here.”
Man - “Yes, it is.”
Boy - “I have a baseball mitt.”

The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”

Boy - “$75.00″
Man - “Fine.”

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove. Let’s go outside and toss the baseball back and forth.”

The boy says, “I can’t, I sold them.”

The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?”

“$100.00″

“It’s a terrible thing to take advantage of your friends like that! That is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take you to church and make you confess.”

They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, “It sure is dark in here.”

And the priest says, “Oh no — not YOU again!”