Jokes News

Q: What is the new messaging service for gay men?

A: WWW.HotMALE.CUM

A politician awoke in a hospital bed after a complicated operation, and found that the curtains were drawn around him.

“Why are the curtains closed?” he asked. “Am I going to be ok?”

A nurse replied, “Yes, you’re going to be fine. It is just that there is a fire across the street, and we didn’t want you waking up and thinking that the operation was unsuccessful.”

A man walks in the doctors with a carrot sticking out of his ear, spaggeti all over his hair, and corn flakes down his front.

The doctor says you haven’t been eating properly have you?

One day in Sunday school, the teacher asked if anybody knew how to get to Heaven? Dirty Johnny replied, “Feet first”.

The teacher asked him how this could be and Dirty Johnny said, “Last week I walked by my parents’ room and my mom’s feet were spread up in the air and she was screaming, “OH GOD, OH GOD, I’M COMING, I’M COMING” and my daddy was on top of her holding her down saying, “NO PLEASE, NOT YET, NOT YET!”

Elderly Harry was in the hospital. Every time this young nurse came in, she talked to him like a little child. She would say, in a very patronizing tone of voice, “And how are we doing this morning??!!!”

Well, this a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, pulled the juice off the tray and put it on his stand. He had been given a Urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple, and you know what Harry did with it.

The nurse came back in and picked up the urine bottle and studies it. It seems we are a little cloudy today . . .”

At this, Harry snatches the bottle out of her hand, pops off the top, and chugs it, saying, “Well, I’ll run it through again, and maybe I can filter it better this time.”

If a snake married an undertaker what would the towels say?

Hiss & Hearse!

Two little boys were in the hospital. The first kid leaned over and asked, “What are you in here for?”

The second kid said, “I’m here to get my tonsils out and I’m a little nervous.”

The first kid said, “You’ve got nothing to worry about. I had that done to me once. They put you to sleep and when you wake up they give you lots of jell-o and ice cream. It’s a piece of cake!”

The second kid then asked, “What are you in here for?”

The first kid responded, “Well, I’m here for a circumcision.”

The second kid said, “Whoa! I had that done when I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year!”

The old lady called the police complaining of an indecent exposure!

When the police arrived, she said: The man across the street is always walking around his house naked! Exposing his genitalia and everything!

The Officer takes a look and says: Madam! All I can see of him is his neck and his head! He is not exposing himself!

NO! Stand atop the fridge and you’ll see!

An Englishman returns home late one night to find his wife in bed with three men.

The stunned Brit says, “‘allo, ‘allo, ‘allo!”

His wife the replies, “What? Aren’t you talkin’ to me?”