Jokes News

Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and boring.

“Get creative Morris. Break up the monotony. Why don’t you try ‘playing doctor‘ for an hour? That’s what I do,” said Irving.

“Sounds great,” Morris replied, “but how do you make it last for an hour?”

“Just keep her in the waiting room for 55 minutes!”

The local church had hired a new choir director from Mississippi for the church choir. The church was undergoing some roof repairs, and as a result of the imcomplete roofing, the church was uncovered with just the tin foundation. Meanwhile, the poor choir director was struggling with the worse choral voices this side of the Mississippi. One Sunday morning, during the choir director’s debut, the choir was sounding like sour grapes. All of a sudden, a fierce hail storm broke out, just as the choir was singing its last “Amen.”

With that, the minister stood up and looked toward the roof top and said, “It sounds like hail!”

The indignant choir director got up and cried out, “Won’t you give me a break?! I’m doing the best I can with these terrible voices!”

What does a sperm have in common with a lawyer?

They both have a 1 in a million chance of becoming a human!

Why should lawyers be buried 100 feet deep?

Because deep down, they`re really good people.

Why don`t lawyers go to the beach?

Cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.

If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why shouldn`t you swerve and hit him?

It might be your bicycle.

Why did the lawyer cross the road?

To get to the car accident on the other side.

What`s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?

A vampire only sucks blood at night.

Two cowboys came riding into town on a cold winter day, and tied their horses up to the hitching post at the local saloon.

When the first cowboy got off his horse, the first thing he did was lift the horse’s tail, and kiss its ass.

“Hey!” said the second cowboy. “What did you do that for?”

“I’ve got a terrable case of chapped lips,” replied the first cowboy.

“And kissing the horse’s ass makes your lips feel better?”

“No, but it keeps me from licking them.”

Q: Why do brides wear white?

A: So the dishwasher matches the other appliances.

There once was a blonde, brunette and a red head on an island. They were stuck there so they had nothing better to do so they decided to walk down the beach.
They came across a genie bottle and they decided to rub on it to see if there was a genie inside.
So the brunette rubbed it with her hand and a genie came out and said “I’ll give each of you one wish, and one wish only!”
The red head started to get excited so she made her wish to go home that instant.
*POOF*
She went home. Then the brunette began to ask her wish, she said “I want to go home, too.”
*POOF*
She went home. And finally the blonde was there all alone.

Well she got so lonely that she told the genie, “Hey, I wish for my friends to be back here with me!”

A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife, ‘Mother of Six,’ in spite of her objections.’

One night they went to a party. The man decided that it was time to go home, and wanted to find out if his wife was ready to leave as well.’

He shouted at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home, Mother of Six?”

His wife, irritated by her husband’s lack of discretion shouted back, “Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four!”

On the night of a Halloween costume party a couple were having trouble picking suitable outfits. After a while the wife got mad and stormed out of the room.

Fifteen minutes later she came back completely naked execpt for a lemon between her legs. The husband looked at her for a moment and then stormed out of the room himself.

Twenty minutes passed and then he came back himself with a potato around his dick.

The wife gave him a weird look and then the husband replied, “If you’re going as a sour-puss, I going as a dictator”.

Jack & Jill were walking off the eighteenth green as Jack was adding up both their scores. Jack says to Jill, “I’d move heaven and earth if I could break 100!”
Jill replies, “You better try heaven, you just moved half of the earth!”