Jokes News

One day a kid asks his dad, “Dad, what is a colleague?”

The dad says, a colleague is an associate, a partner, some one who does the same thing you do.

Then the son replies, “So dad, is the milk man your colleague?”

A rabbi had a terrible car wreck and was rushed to a local Catholic hospital. After the doctors patched him up, he recuperated in the orthopedic ward for several weeks.

As he recovered from his injuries, he became friends with a nun who was a nurse there.

One day, she came into his room and noticed that the crucifix on the wall was missing. She asked him good-naturedly, “Rabbi, what have you done with the crucifix?”

“Oh, Sister,” chuckled the rabbi, “I just figured one suffering Jew in this room was enough.”

A Priest is lonley so he decides to buy a used parrot to keep him company in church.

The day the priest puts the parrot in the church its 100 degrees out. The parrot says damn its hot! The priest warns the bird not to swear in church or he’ll take it back to the pet store.

The next day its 105 degrees and the priest walks by the parrot and again the bird says
damn its hot!

So the priest takes the parrot back to pet store and the pet store owner tells him when the parrot swears to pick him and swing him around over his head.

The next day its 110 degrees and the priest walks by and the parrot says damn it hot!

So the priest picks up the parrot and swings him around over his head.

The parrot then responds. Whew feel that fucking breeze!

Did you hear about the lonely guy who couldn’t spell?

He spent the night in a warehouse.

A hot young blonde sits down at the bar and orders a Coors. She downs the beer and orders another, and another, and another. By closing time, she is so drunk that she invites four men back to her apartment.

She comes back the next day and sits down as the bartender sets a Coors in front of her. She says, “I think I’ll have a Bud instead…That Coors makes my pussy hurt.”

Q. What’s the difference between a band of Pygmies and a girls’ track team?

A. A band of Pygmies is a cunning bunch of runts.

Two attorneys boarded a flight out of Seattle. One sat in the window seat, the other sat in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, a physician got on and took the aisle seat next to the two attorneys.

The physician kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the attorney in the window seat said,” I think I’ll get up and get a Coke.”

“No problem,” said the physician, “I’ll get it for you.” While he was gone, one of the attorneys picked up the physician’s shoe and spat in it. When he returned with
the Coke, the other attorney said, “That looks good, I think I’ll have one too.”

Again, the physician obligingly went to fetch it and while he was gone, the other attorney picked up the other shoe and spat in it. The physician returned and they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.

As the plane was landing, the physician slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This fighting between our professions? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes?”

Three cowboys sat around a western campfire, each with that macho bravado we’ve come to expect from the American West and the American Cowboy. The first cowboy pipes up, “You know, a bull got loose in the corral today . . . gored six men to death before I wrestled him to the ground and slit his throat with my fingernail.”

The second cowboy, not wanting to be bested, said. “Oh yeah, well just last week a rattler, six feet long, jumped at me from under a rock. I bit off his head, sucked down all the poison in one gulp and I’m still here to tell about it.”

The third cowboy remained silent, as he slowly stirred the coals with his penis.

Did you hear about the man who lost 60% of his intellegence overnight?

“No, what happened?”

His wife left him.

This bloke walks into a tatoo parlour and says “excuse me sir, I would like a one hundred dollar bill tatooed onto my penis”

The man replies “why on earth would you want a one hundred dollar bill tatooed on your schlong?”

“Well firstly I like playing with my money, secondly I like watching my money grow and thirdly when my wife wants to blow a hundred dollars she can do it at home!”